White for Peace

Ti amo così tanto il mio cuore fa male
Mi brucia come una candela, e si fondono come il ghiaccio
quando mi rendo conto, quanto dolore che vi ho causato
Mi dispiace molto, perdonimi mio amore

Poem in Italian by blogger


I am dedicating this post for the past and want to make amend to it, it's in broken Italian that I've learned, and have looked up.

I’ve had a good weekend so far, and knowing tomorrow is 6 month of sobriety with my main bottom line of not having sex with any one and not contacting any one from the past, I am bit happy with those progress as one day at a time got me this far.

I have made a solid promises to stay sober on my next leg of therapy, that is to stay sober and clean on all other bottom lines including internet and going through the wanted ads, I keep getting few days and I go back to look and obsessively masturbate.

I really didn't have time to speak to my therapist about this on my last session as it was mainly focused on family and progress of my ability to develop and open up myself to them and free myself, and come out to them.

Today was a long day, there is a family wedding coming up and its involves shopping and planning, it’s been couple of week that my family is working on logistics of our travel to Washington DC and I know I will be with family and staying with family so I am safe on grounds of acting out or wanting to act out. But stress full due to travel and just being with them in close contact for few days spending time on road trip where things just could go wrong after hours of being in the same car. (fighting over what music to listen to, and how we took a wrong turn or when we should stop for next restroom break and food) just small things which every family goes through I think, but it gets me as I always thought of a perfect family where everyone gets a long by being co-operative.

I had a good Saturday spend driving my sister around to shop for a wedding dress with her, and did a bit of choirs around the house. I want to go to the SLAA class tomorrow for 6th month of sobriety and receive my chip but I think it’s not wise as there is a bit of anarchy happening this weekend downtown and not wise to travel there for now, I will definitely go to Tuesdays class in case I can’t go tomorrow.