Six Months Chip

6th month now without sex
I feel anorexic without love

I have this disease that I can’t show any one
It not a mold on my back or a legion on my face

How can someone fathom this?
Delicate as Fire to a Cotton ball at hand

The boy inside me crying of fear
as not yet grown to be a Man

Poem by blogger


Today I got my 6th moth chip of being sober on my main bottom line of not having sex with any one, I feel good and at the same time still lost and feel anorexia and withdrawal that I keep controlling by monitoring closely.

tomorrow my last gallery of 6month show is closing, it was in an big and high traffic office downtown and it was somewhat successful, and generated hits on the website and sold a piece of sculpture.

Today after the chip presentation, the reading consisted of monitoring and watching stress levels in addiction, which included withdrawal and their symptoms.

Some symptoms listed
- Quick to judge on situations
- showing pride and arrogance to cover up
- Quickly get aggravated and angry
- No patience for people close to you
- And distancing yourself from people that love you

A lot of these symptoms I could relate to and could agree with and perhaps more that one can add to this list based on self observation and catching the signals.


During the past week I have really been thinking about the past and how many people I have done wrong and to the extent that I am realizing now. I know I don't want to make it an excuse but I was truly a sex addict and emotional detached from anything.

All I wanted was sex and would do anything to get, it is sickening now that I think about it with my 6 month sobriety to the lowest and darkest places I pushed myself to go in order to get my quick gratification and emotional detachment.

I ran away from people who showed motions after sex and distant myself from people to know my true identity, via alias name and different back ground and identity.

Through all this, one incident popped-up, last year in the fall when I was trying to mend thing between me and Mass we went for a walk in beer district and as we were talking he ran into a jewelry store, and it was unlike him do that and as we walked around the store I walk around as well but I notice him he was there for different reason. that time I was new to SLAA and I was trying to practice my steps, and one of the steps was to practice relationship with people who are available, emotionally and physical, and that day he went into that store because he saw a handsome tall muscular guy walk in there, he later on said so to me and I really didn't see any one else there but him.

Make every concrete effort to stay sober for as long as you've set your goals for, and when integrating yourself back to the society and "HEALTHY" sex life, make sure you find someone who understands what sex addiction is and the face you’re a sex addict (like a cancer patient as earlier blogged) you might have some bad days some times, and that your available for one person emotionally and physically and your partner should be in same level. Otherwise it would be a co-horsed reaction and might trigger slips and back to square one with sex addiction back into your life.