Full Moon

as i scream in these hallows
and darkness creeps over me

i look for your eyes for comfort
searching this vast solid fort

only to find it abandoned 'n cold
only loneliness from here so i am told

where are you love as i need your warm hugs
i promise that this heart wont leave you cold heart

wont you take the full moon
and give me a hug soon


i struggle with full moon in my addiction, i rarely connect the two and have never matched the two by observation, i have only noticed it couple of times, and few that i recollect even today.

yesterday night for instance i couldn't sleep i tossed and turned the whole night and today as i was driving i noticed that it was a big moon and after searching on the net, for sure it was a full moon last night.

another time that i have a memory of was in a sex house, and as i was leaning on a wall, some one came to talk to me and make an offer and he mentioned about the full moon and its relation to human being more sexually active, as much as i knew that i didt know the next thing which was, in some cultures there is a less crime for the ones who are committed on full moon.

somethings can never be explained and others can never be fathomed in our small human mind, nature with its vast ocean and ever ending sky and space has humans in its grasp with dependence and magnetic energy that is mysterious.

i have been clean for two month now and no desire of acting out recently except the disturbed sleep pattern because of full moon, i have stoped my gym routine since i felt i was temped in some ways at the showers and found some guys are cruising me and i was getting involved by looking forward going to the showers.
i hope by stopping the gym membership some part of my addiction can stop dictating what to do and why to do it, the subconscious part that can never be explained to any one or controlled only after its done and gone. i haven't watched porn or masturbated today and i want to commit to clean 3 weeks on this bottom line.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. (Addiction anonymous prayer)

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

"Keep coming back"