Taking Inventory

Dear blog
it’s been a good weekend, mostly sleeping in and relaxing, I went to the SLAA class downtown today it was very good, and one of the participants said something that hit home with me, they mentioned, "wiliness before wanting change" and I could relate to my course of action this past fall, when I wanted change, but I didn’t really know if it was willing or just the fact change sounded good and could get him back to me.

I recall telling him I did the 12 steps. which was true, but I don’t think I really did the 12 steps towards recovery, I read them and said yea yea, next kind of an idea, and didn’t hit bottom to break ground, I panicked and said I did them.

I’ve started taking more inventory of my surrounding, eg. Workplace, co-workers, peers and friends, about what they say and how social ethics dictate that to make a pass at someone is okay or visually objectify you to that person. I have hard time dealing with those as it occurs in my life with people or friends, and pretending its okay or trying to change them by example is really hard. Especially not letting their comment take effects on me.

so far my steps of by just taking inventory and try not to get involved has worked for me or removing myself from the situation that I won’t be adding to the situation by comments or remarks.

since I stopped my gym membership, I’ve gotten a DVD home workout routine to do at home while still training for my series of competitive runs coming as early as next weekend. I did the first session today with my sister and holly crap yoga is not easy as it looks.

In respect to my bottom lines, they are still solid for the past 3 months and I’ve not contacted any one new or old for sex or have had any sexual contact with anyone.
I haven’t masturbated for two days now, and I don’t feel the urge perhaps it’s my allergies to lactose, I’ve a bit of stomach pains and bowel irregularities which will deal with soon.

"Keep coming back"