Three Months Chip

Hope and chance to see you
But lost in sea of my own

No matter how bright the stars
Yet moon can't fill this hallow

And when it rains
It won’t compare to your beauty

My guilty pleasure is gone
Where are you now babe

This nightmare is over
But I can’t wakeup from you

Tattoo’d my action on my arm
And won’t forget your love


Dear Blog
Today I will get my 3rd month chip, and I have been good this week, and I have been busy with putting paper works in for going back to school, as i havent heard back form my interviews i really think i have to sharpen my talent and skills.

My heart is still with him and don’t know how to take it back, I haven’t gone by his place, or wear any more "V" neck shirts, and I try to turn off every thought but one leads to another one.

Today I was thinking of him, last fall and how he was nervous and stomach pains which I nursed him one night waking up in middle of the night to fill up a new hot water bottle, it was I think because he thought he might be out of a job, and me knowing how much his house meant to him I was willing to carry the cost of his living till he got another job.

I can’t think of a single thing he did besides paying for motels or hotels to have sex in, during the course of us hooking up.

These little things get to me, and it bothers me allot, as my therapist said, some people the end result is their goal like climbing a mountain, you don’t take picture while on the hike, and most people frame the picture at the end of the climb when they are on top of the mountain.

But for me I like to enjoy the means of getting to the end, and be able to relate to it, not to go through with it like a robot or a chess game.

I recall something’s even from our first time dating in 2008, which they didn’t bother me then when he broke up. as I just left and dated others and really didn’t want to deal with the emotions as a sex addict in me just wanted to have more contact.

I am trying to close my past chapters but the one page is torn and missing.

I have been sober on my main bottom line of not having sex and contacting any one for the past 3 months, and still go to regular SLAA classes and therapy sessions.

"Keep coming back"