Spring has come

Spring has come
where will I be in time

so as it gone before
as I miss him there for

soon everywhere is green
heart is waiting, love brings

can manage to stay sober this long
now where can go to mend this heart


Dear blog:
First day of spring is a huge deal in my background, as we celebrate new year with coming of the spring, family dinners and visits to the elders.

After many weeks I saw him again in my dream this time, I only recall being spooned tightly while he kissed me on my neck, I woke right after it, it felt so real and could feel happy at the time of it happening. I just can’t explain it

I had my Dr. meeting, it was good, I talked about my actions prior to the interview, and what was bothering me in my mind and things that keep coming up for me from the past and taunt me and tease me to act out, with people from the past.

there was a moment of higher power which forced me to come clean about the past with my DR. as I've not been totally honest about my past and just wanted to tackle the current issues,


The therapist made some suggestions for me to follow, about my anxiety and love anorexia.
1. not to think about the past relationships, specialty recent ones and what he is doing or dating.
2. remove items that reminds me of him and try to avoid the feelings next time they arise.
3. boost my confidence by not using his watch as its weight on my physiological mind.


I’d say the Dr. is right, as I keep reminding myself I've hindered myself from growth, and keep searching for light in my past.
but at the same time my gut feelings can’t be over turned by two small sentences, and what I feel for him are string and can’t just shut them down now, with 1 hour therapy session.

I would need time to move forward from the love anorexia, and at the same time constantly attend the SLAA classes and finish my steps of SLAA and sobriety.

I've been sober for two months and 3 weeks now, and last time I masturbated was last night after 4 days, where I went through some wanted ads and didn't reply, watched porn, to beat the temptation of actually having sex with someone.

"keep coming back"