4 Month Now Without Him

Roller Coaster in my Addiction

Today is the 4 month mark after the intervention, and so far it’s been a constant reminder and task to keep the sex out of my life and attempted to slow down the masturbation and porn including online ads, in order to find a level that I can deal with addiction.

By means of stopping the signs do not mean one is cured, it would be only denial to say I’m cured by not having sex for two month; the real test will come at the end of my goal when I try to incorporate sex and love life back into my life.

If my life become unmanageable at the end of my one year journey then it would mean that the journey was not very success full to the degree that I failed, and if it works and I can exercise my higher concourse of making wise decision about the future incorporation of sex into my life, that I would say that it was success full and I achieved my goals.

I feel drained today and upset of the fact that it’s been 4month now, previously when we broke up 1.5 year ago for about a year I didn’t notice the distance and month that were passing by, probably did notice for the first couple of month and I started to look for sex again, and I tried to replace him but since it wasn’t something I wanted to keep I kept having anonymous and different sexual liaison once in a while, and go back to my therapy for couple of weeks and it was a roller coaster ride.

I don’t want to experience this roller coaster hence I have opted to be living sex free for now, and only resort to masturbation when the hunger is too much and I can’t bear it or otherwise I would act out.

"Keep coming back"