The mask of addiction is very loving and dear to the addict, as the addict harbors and lives under the mask, its feels like a co-living arrangement that one finds comfort in other, to part with it is to reveal the true person under the addiction. Most addicts feel that they have no character that will define them, or feel shallow that they will resort to their addiction and seek comfort with it.
some addicts choose social crotches such as smoking, drinking or drugs, but some will suffer in silence death of sex and love addiction, as the person looks and seems normal but they have addiction that is un-tangible or foreseeable in some one as its committed mostly behind closed doors and goes undetected.
The mask is rotten on the outside, and very apparent to lovers and people who hold the addict dear to their heart, while the addict underneath the mask thinks is going undetected and keeps the life style and the regular routines. the people around the addict want them to recover and change, they will continue to bring up the matter of the sex and the unavailability of the addict in their live and their double life or unmanageability of their life, (this warning light will differ depending how far the addiction has progressed in their life and how desperate they have become) this might take years for the addicts to hold the therapy at constant pace and not give into withdrawal urges.
in my case I am glad there was many talks and pushes from people around me, from both my ex and the relapse partner that I had during the course of 2008 and 2009, I would relapse but I saw progress in my small steps of one day at a time and then longer sobriety of weeks, but never saw months and thought that if I go back to what I felt was love, that I wouldn’t act out. But the constant connection to past and conversations of validation was tempting and did commit to some of the contacts as sexual liaison. the final hit was the intervention in form of me opening up to it and having everything read and analyzed, it felt degrading at the time as I was not welcome and thrown out of the house.
as the feeling of degradation was too much for me and I felt alone and feeling of withdrawal kicking in, I acted out for a month and few days till I hit the bottom when I meet a his friend in a sex house and vowed not to go back
no matter how you find out that your mask is rotten or your hiding yourself under a mask of addiction or social crutch, it’s how you realize and ‘Honour the people around you is the most appraised key, seeking help and keeping the withdrawal under check and going through a phase of sobriety before incorporating back in to regular social schemes.
I have been sober for 3 months and 1+week now, I masturbated yesterday, and wanted to go through some ads but managed to sway away from it and activate my "new normal"
"Keep coming back"
No comments:
Post a Comment