First is Healing

I am thinking of you in my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cos I've drowned in you and I won't pull through
Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel your body next to mine
'Cos I can't go on living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

song by: Mariah Carey | My All



I feel a bit up set still about the thought of the grocery store, but after the Sunday SLAA class, i feel much better to have talked openly about it in class.

i am still shy about opening up about my sexuality in the class, and put things in third party format and stay away from referring to any one as him or He in my "getting current" Moment of sharing.

after sharing and hearing other peoples story, i felt a bit more calm about what had occurred and to some extends i felt i showed a my wounds and now its time to start healing.

Through sharing moment in SLAA i found comfort and solitude that i never felt before, i guess i never opened up about my incidents of the past to any one and only talked about present time and how my addiction is going so far.

Perhaps i was more angry at the repeat of the same scenarios where i was bullied by my addiction, i was used as a vehicle to get to some where, that i didn't want to be.

I have managed to be sober for 3 months and 3 weeks now, i feel great about it, i feel good because i haven't given the sex addiction chance to bully me with into acting out and loosing my sobriety.

i would suggest to any one suffering with sex addiction to dig through these bones of past cycle of abuse either self inflicting or others, and log them for your self to know your triggers and be able to distinguish between the wrong and right through a sobriety, as any other way i have approached wont work.

"Keep coming back"