5 Month Now Without Him

Withdrawal and its second wave
Huge turmoil for the sand

Shore line’s eroded n gone
Sea floors receded n done

Once I walked thought of him on these sand
No more sand but thought still at hand

Unto these shore line waiting for the sand
Now I linger, He'll be back again


Second Withdrawal

It’s been 5 months now and today it still feels like I am missing something, and constant thought of him leaves me with feeling of wanting to be with someone else, someone who would fill the void,

But I recall making this mistake last year and I am not resorting to that this year, not after coming this far, 3 months and almost 3 weeks of sobriety now.

last class of SLAA I was congratulated on being still sober passing the 3 month phase which most people fail after this, as much as I have the feelings of acting out or to find someone to fill my void, I can’t bring myself to do it as I know myself that it is a slippery slope for me and I won’t be able to stop again, with excessive activities and being occupied with others.

I know where the second wave of withdrawal feeling is coming from but I can’t do much about it, as I can’t contact any one from the past, and at the same time I am not willing to be sexual. At times my sexual side dictates to be incorporated back into society and that I am healthy and know my boundaries, but knowing my addiction and how far it has driven me, it would only be scenario of Pandora's box where if I go back I won’t be able to see the limits again and slip back into the addiction routines.

As I haven't distanced myself far from my addiction I understand slipping back to regular routines would be as easy as switching to auto pilot.

The only words of encouragement I have is to monitor your sexual urges and keep them in check, also knowing how long you have been sexually active or your addiction was in control try do distance yourself according to that measure and be sober for longer period of time before incorporating back to dating and love life.

"Keep coming back"

PS. after this blog i was given orkid flower for my work station from my boss who i had though is non caring kind of a guy to cheer me up since he knows i have been under the weather for couple of weeks since i found out my cholesterol is through the roof because of stress.
He even brought the name of medication he used to take and recommended certain stuff earlier last week, which i though was out of ordinary for him to do.
I guess i shouldn't judge people by how they act on the outside