Grocery Store Incident From Past

I had a Good Saturday so far, went grocery shopping, baked a cake, did my worked out to polymeric exercise section of P90X DVD.

After my work out i took a shower and while shaving i was thinking about my whole day and if i did any thing out of ordinary, and every thing was regular and normal, i didn't objectify any one in public or wondered out of my routine of just shopping groceries, during the course of this thought i had a flash back that to this day it bothers me.

I recalled a grocery shopping trip in November 15, where, me and him were shopping groceries, i had a basket and i was loading things into it, next thing i know there is a second basket he has, i though he wants to make things easier for both of us during the course of shopping. But when time came to check out we lined up together and he separated into another register to pay, what bothered me was that there was no option given to me, that half of thing on my basket wasn't even for me, and i was left with paying for it with no alternative.

I have paid for dinners and groceries and even expensive wines for his dinner party, but i don't like to be put on the spot, even though that day gave him a glance of "what the fuck" he just pretended its normal in which he expect me to pay for the groceries.

I did pay for the items, i don't care about the money just the ethics behind it was wrong and demeaning, i bought the items to never consume even one of them, and we went to his house that night and that evening i couldn't stand him anymore so i left to go back home and be with my family, which in return the next day, the intervention occurred even though i was sober for the whole two week that i recall.

while typing this i recall another incident that when i was shopping with him, i noted that there is no tea in the house and mostly coffee, (even though he knows i am not a coffee drinker) i went to choose a tea, and he said i should buy another one for "D@^$ or D@^!" (his ex of 2 or 3 moths) when he comes over.

i was disgusted that some one he knew after me came first, and when i was with him he was still thinking about the guy in the past.

i tried to set examples of buying thing that he needed like asking him if he needed any thing from the store on my way over or while at pharmacy asking if he wanted any thing as toiletries, which i would get, but i never saw any of those actions returned back to me.

basically I'm angry now and I'm trying to to think out side the box and look for reasons for his actions or for him not returning any favors for me, i am falling short and makes me feel less worthy of others and depresses me beyond words.

some times with these dark thoughts i hate his very name. i don't want to say any more at this time.

i am still sober on my main bottom line and will be going to SLAA class tomorrow as i feel terrible tonight.

"keep coming back"