Today I was thinking a lot about both the trip and the convention, and how I can handle myself during the family vacation part but I kind of doubt myself while in Chicago.
I recalled being in Chicago in 2002, which some gay friends of mine which now are no longer close friends, I had scheduled for a few sex here and there while they were going for food sampling for their company and so on, and recalled the gay district "boys town" and how tempting it would be not to check it out.
I will come up with a plan to do something to pass my time there, like going and visiting the famous Chicago shiny Bean or the sears tower or the shopping district in downtown core.
I masturbated today at work, because of the temptation there and the quick way of finding sex there, I didn't reply to anything but I failed in distracting myself until I masturbated, then I didn't look for it or search the web things just came for relax and I could get back to regular routine of my work and I looked up tourist destination and places to see while there versus other stuff.
Also i was thinking about my actions in Florida and though that i was invisible and no one could see my action as Ive explained on blog about the "Rotten Mask" i though i would never find love or the fact that i didn't deserve any attention or love and i wanted to control the sex and love in my relationship, and mostly finding something potentially long lasting wasn't a thought in my head but at the same time i didn't want to be alone!
basically i want the sex addicts reading this to find out their true sense of weakness and control that weakness by not giving into its demands, also by not acting out and going through a sobriety phase to see if its manageable before becoming sexually active, otherwise it will be constant relapse and you wont see where your actions were wrong in the past.
I am still sober for 3 months and almost 2 weeks now, and haven't contacted any one either for sex or liaison.
"Keep coming back"
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