Relinquish These Feelings

I ask him not to contact me but I am texting him and have called him, broke my contact barrier for past few days, it’s been one day now that I haven’t talked to him or any one from the past and no contact with any one for months now for liaison.
My web surfing has reduced to only few instances of fear and abandonment feeling when they arrive, and recently with 10 mile run and classes I have not given them the chance to break those barriers.

I want him to be happy but I want to be there with him, I guess it’s a classic sign of sex addict wanting to be rescued, I have predominantly expressed it in my conversations with I’m but I know now that I give in to my desires and I put them before what was good for me.

His lover holding a grudge against him and now Mass thinks I am in contact with his EX, I called him yesterday and told him I have never been in contact with any one, and it’s his mission for me to look bad for you, and the fact that I don’t need this drama in my life and specially at this stage. I would really punch him, if I knew where his EX is, since I know how hurt Mass has become over this issue, but it’s his problem and at this stage I can only forgive and give him the space to grow back to normal.

I felt that, I'm lost in the sea, and as his EX is holding my raft hostage from me, I can only offer my support, as forgiveness, as I don’t want to be in daily contact with Mass over the past situation, and I feel that he wants to be rescued, hence his contact with me and I gave in.

This too shall pass, this too shall pass, and I keep telling myself. That this drama and past week was just a nightmare and I never wished any of this on any one.

Here are some quotes that I keep reciting to just relinquish the hate and anger that have come over me for the past few days. I always wished that I would talk to him again, but with the recent drama I feel bad and reduced my concentration level, and I am constantly thinking about him, than myself.
The selflessness inside me comes out to help other while no one wants to reach out to help me when I ask for it.


God How unfair is this world you created? And why am I in it?
By: blogger

God is closest to those with broken hearts.
~Jewish Saying

If you're going through hell, keep going.
~Winston Churchill