Heat Ache

Why these heart aches won’t let me be right
As I climb onto and feelings won’t go away

I had my chance to save, to hold, and love
But now I'm living with heart aches, it’s tough

Matter not how far I run, and how high I fly
Its where once felt home, then tossed it out

Poem by Blogger


It’s been a week I haven't posted, but since my last post about my car issue, I have had a tougher week so far, with evening classes’ exams, and work and family life, it was a bit off balance, and in recent days the family life turned to worse.

I posted about my grandma and her health exemplifying how if you think negative thoughts, it will find its way to. She came down with T.B. and we thought she was getting better with the medication, and now she is worse and doctors have given her two weeks due to her age and strong medication they are using to control the infection in her lung.

I went to visit her today, and got her a picture frame with a healing prayer and picture of a religious sign, (they don't allow flowers due to pollen and respiratory illness) i got her the frame and the picture so she feels comforted and at home and grounded by her roots that she had grown up with and familiar.

It was a weary place to visit, something out of a science fiction movie and cold, sequence double door to enter the patient room, negative pressure sucking room air out, isolation from the outside; even the nurse wouldn't come into the room unless it was an emergency. You wear a shield head to toe mask and gloves, scrub before you go into the main room and scrub before you leave the second prep room.

I had a lump in my throat and my heart sank just seeing her through the double glass in the prep room, as she saw me and smiled and blow kisses at me, she was so happy to see her grandchild, and even thought she had no strength to open the wrapping paper I helped her open the frame for her, and she kissed it from her heart and asked to put it beside her bed. She was happy when we were leaving and in good mood.

I recall posting about some of my trigger points a while back, and how I started having sex to cover the sadness when my other grandparent passed away, and I feel that this could happen again if I lose my grandma. I keep going over it and shunning bad thoughts out of my head but reality is much harsher to face at this time.

I hope no one to suffer on their last days on earth, I ask for a simple healing prayer for my grandma if any one is reading this.