What Do You Want From Me

listening to this music this week and it was calming and Serene, as i felt a connection with the each line and the bridge on this song, specially "No i wont let you down" in correlation with my suffering bottom line and felling the want to act out.

yesterday i obsessively and compulsively masturbated, to stop the urge of acting out, and in my head thoughts of planing something was beginning to be unbearable.

these thoughts even act in my dreams, so vivid that when i wake up i feel that i have acted out and a disappointment comes over me but i realize that it was a dream and i didn't really act out.

i don't know how to control these beyond masturbation which just subdues the feelings momentarily and comes back hours later,

i have my therapy session tomorrow and will discuss about my urges and what i can do to better handle my addiction so i can get through these dark spells of addiction.

the addiction is hard and sometimes i feel that i have beat the addiction and i am okay and that is when i make that mistake. only word i have for any one faced with their addiction is to monitor them and keep your self sober to know your weaknesses and your strengths and build on your strength and slowly eliminate your weaknesses.