Since my last blog of how I meet him, I felt a bit lighter by telling the truth in my blog about that day and honestly how everything else beyond that day was a mess on my part mostly.
But I still haven't come to close the chapter and as he said once "take my boots and march on" I am stuck in the past and the future, not knowing what future holds and feeling comfortable with who I know in the past and keep going back to it.
Could it be that I want to live in the past so I feel that I am no longer a sex addict or wanting to feel that my health is not compromised?
I don't know the answers yet and I am searching by being true on my blog and continue on my recovery.
the picture posted is photo shopped picture of an alter I found, I choose this picture since I had a dream recently, and the dream was at a dignified place, at a wedding where I was wearing a tux and walking down the aisle, but there was a bride waiting at the end of the alter, and I kept dragging my heels from getting there but people were cheering me on and being happy about it, and I was anxious and nervous, soon the dream changed, and I was watching someone else's wedding and I was watching a guy waiting at the altar and it looked a lot like him, I woke up with a pain in y stomach and couldn't go to bed for the rest of the early morning hours.
I don't know why I saw him this way in my dream, perhaps he is moving on, and I have had these thoughts for past while that my recovery is been too late to initiate anything or the fact I haven't heard from him in almost 6 months.
I have been sober still on not having sex, but i still struggle with the ad post
4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
(King James Bible, Ephesians)
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