Today I was contacted by the EX and I told him what I feel, as past two years Halloween was spend with him and now I feel a huge void, and I wonder who he is spending it with and curiosity was taking over me, finally I had to ask what he wants from me, and in response all I got was "for me to be happy"
Sometimes he says a lot about his emotion that he thinks about me and other time he is cold as a wall, I deserve to know what he thinks as he is been reading this blog form the start without me knowing, and knows what’s in my heart and more from poems and dreams that wont stop, but all I go from him was the fact that he doesn't want to justify anything.
Even against what he says that I’ve been good to him while he was down, I feel a huge slap across my face, with every conversation, and finally I asked to be left alone and let me BE.
I felt so hurt form the conversation that I cut my weekend classes short, as I couldn't concentrate anymore, so I came home to rest and just think about the actions I took.
If you’re reading this Mass it hurt to say this, but Stay away from me and please respect my privacy, as I still feel my heart heavy from you and wants to be alone.
You love me in wrong way, even as I haven't treated you any less than gold class.
enough about my emotional roller coaster, which i had to be stern about me wanting distance and emotional stability. as much as it was hard to say it to some one who you love and you have feelings for. but i cant sit any longer wondering what if live for maybes of tomorrow.
Guide your life the way you find it healthy some times it might be the hard road traveled to seek that salvation and it might be feel ugly and it will test you even more on this path but knowing that your sobriety is more safe under that choice is much beneficial than having it threaten your sobriety and trying to keep your self in line.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
11th month soberiety
I’ve come in search of the light
A sun that burns so bright
Found myself in moon and back again
I find your embrace cold again
Finding my way home alone
How I wonder you don’t want me any more
Poem by blogger
I passed the 10th month mile stone and moving into my 11th month now. To keep myself in line with my progress, I have had slips in last month, and wasn’t perfect at all that I wanted it to be, but over all I maintained my main bottom line of not having sex.
The other slips included obsessive masturbation to porn and pictures, reading through wanted ads and the willingness to let go of my sobriety to feel alive for a moment of sex or someone else’s touch was beginning to be too much, I went to classes to keep myself in line with progress of learning and support via the SLAA and masturbated to replace and remove those cravings.
I would have to say after a while of being sober of in classes the progress kind of stops, eg: not going to classes regularly or cutting back on your therapy sessions as you think your cured and now your kind of sitting duck waiting for that shut gun to go off again in your head and slippery slide starts which can take you back to your old roots of addiction.
I have stopped my every two weeks therapy session to once a month and, I have cut down to amount of classes I attend from two a week to one a week currently, and it’s been hindering my progress in battle with my sex addictions.
I want to do more but can seem to find the time currently, and don’t want to push myself out of balance with my current schedules and create more stress that I would need to channel in wrong directions.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept
The things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will, not mine, be done."
Monday, October 25, 2010
Basic SLAA Group Meeting Format
Basic S.L.A.A. Group Meeting Format
- Before the meeting, find copies of the S.L.A.A. Preamble, the Twelve Steps and the Promises and select a reading from S.L.A.A. literature, such as:
a short section from an S.L.A.A. pamphlet,
ten of the questions in the S.L.A.A. Anorexia pamphlet,
an article from "The Journal", or
a few pages out of the "Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous” text.
- Start the Meeting
This is a regular meeting of the ___________________________ Group. We welcome anyone new to S.L.A.A. or to this meeting. To those new to S.L.A.A. we suggest you attend five meetings before deciding if the program is for you.
Please join us in a moment of silence followed by the Serenity Prayer.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
My name is ______________ and I'm a sex and love addict.
We need a volunteer to read the S.L.A.A. Preamble.
We need a volunteer to read the Twelve Steps of S.L.A.A.
This meeting is divided into two sections. In the first section we read a portion from S.L.A.A. literature and discuss the reading. In the second section we get current by sharing our recent sexual and emotional situations and thoughts that pose a current threat to our sobriety in S.L.A.A.
To allow people to safely share what is necessary, we refrain throughout the meeting from all forms of cross talk, including commenting on what people have said and telling people what to do.
We allow up to _____ minutes per share and take turns in a clockwise direction.
For the first section I’ve chosen to read __________________.
- Start the reading,
Encouraging attendees to read a few paragraphs each.
When the reading is over, start the discussion of the reading, and the allow
others to share until the midpoint of the meeting.
The topic section of our meeting is over. Our seventh tradition states that we have no dues or fees, but we are self-supporting through our own contributions. Our expenses at this location are per meeting, so we ask that you contribute if you can, but there is no requirement to contribute anything.
- Pass the container for contributions.
This is the section of the meeting for getting current. We get current by sharing our recent sexual and emotional situations and thoughts that pose a current threat to our sobriety in S.L.A.A. Again we allow up to minutes per share.
- Permit sharing until 5 minutes before the end of the meeting.
Our time for getting current is over. If you have not had a chance to share, talk with someone after the meeting.
We need a volunteer to read the Promises.
Are there any announcements for the good of S.L.A.A.?
Let there be no gossip or criticism of one another, but rather understandingand friendship.
It is of paramount importance to keep the identities of those present and personal information that was shared confidential.
Please join us in a moment of silence followed by the Serenity Prayer. Handholding is optional during our closing.
God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things that we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Before the meeting, find copies of the S.L.A.A. Preamble, the Twelve Steps and the Promises and select a reading from S.L.A.A. literature, such as:
a short section from an S.L.A.A. pamphlet,
ten of the questions in the S.L.A.A. Anorexia pamphlet,
an article from "The Journal", or
a few pages out of the "Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous” text.
- Start the Meeting
This is a regular meeting of the ___________________________ Group. We welcome anyone new to S.L.A.A. or to this meeting. To those new to S.L.A.A. we suggest you attend five meetings before deciding if the program is for you.
Please join us in a moment of silence followed by the Serenity Prayer.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
My name is ______________ and I'm a sex and love addict.
We need a volunteer to read the S.L.A.A. Preamble.
We need a volunteer to read the Twelve Steps of S.L.A.A.
This meeting is divided into two sections. In the first section we read a portion from S.L.A.A. literature and discuss the reading. In the second section we get current by sharing our recent sexual and emotional situations and thoughts that pose a current threat to our sobriety in S.L.A.A.
To allow people to safely share what is necessary, we refrain throughout the meeting from all forms of cross talk, including commenting on what people have said and telling people what to do.
We allow up to _____ minutes per share and take turns in a clockwise direction.
For the first section I’ve chosen to read __________________.
- Start the reading,
Encouraging attendees to read a few paragraphs each.
When the reading is over, start the discussion of the reading, and the allow
others to share until the midpoint of the meeting.
The topic section of our meeting is over. Our seventh tradition states that we have no dues or fees, but we are self-supporting through our own contributions. Our expenses at this location are per meeting, so we ask that you contribute if you can, but there is no requirement to contribute anything.
- Pass the container for contributions.
This is the section of the meeting for getting current. We get current by sharing our recent sexual and emotional situations and thoughts that pose a current threat to our sobriety in S.L.A.A. Again we allow up to minutes per share.
- Permit sharing until 5 minutes before the end of the meeting.
Our time for getting current is over. If you have not had a chance to share, talk with someone after the meeting.
We need a volunteer to read the Promises.
Are there any announcements for the good of S.L.A.A.?
Let there be no gossip or criticism of one another, but rather understandingand friendship.
It is of paramount importance to keep the identities of those present and personal information that was shared confidential.
Please join us in a moment of silence followed by the Serenity Prayer. Handholding is optional during our closing.
God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things that we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
SLAA 40 Questions for Self Diagnosis
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous 40 Questions for Self Diagnosis
excerpted © 1985 S.L.A.A.
The following questions are designed to be used as guidelines to identifying possible signposts of sex and love addiction. They are not intended to provide a sure-fire method of diagnosis, nor can negative answers to these questions provide absolute assurance that the illness is not present. Many sex and love addicts have varying patterns which can result in very different ways of approaching and answering these questions. Despite this fact, we have found that short, to-the-point questions have often provided as effective a tool for self-diagnosis as have lengthy explanations of what sex and love addiction is. We appreciate that the diagnosis of sex and love addiction is a matter that needs to be both very serious and very private. We hope that these questions will prove helpful.
Yes [ ] No [ ] 1.) Have you ever tried to control how much sex to have or how often you would see someone?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 2.) Do you find yourself unable to stop seeing a specific person even though you know that seeing this person is destructive to you?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 3.) Do you feel that you don't want anyone to know about your sexual or romantic activities?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 4.) Do you get "high" from sex and/or romance?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 5.) Have you had sex at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, and/or with inappropriate people?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 6.) Do you make promises to yourself concerning your sexual or romantic behavior that you find you cannot follow?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 7.) Have you had or do you have sex with someone you don't (didn't) want to have sex with?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 8.) Do you believe that sex and/or a relationship will make your life bearable?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 9.) Have you ever felt that you had to have sex?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 10.) Do you believe that someone can "fix" you?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 11.) Do you keep a list, written or otherwise, of the number of partners you've had?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 12.) Do you feel desperation or uneasiness when you are away from your lover or sexual partner?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 13.) Have you lost count of the number of sexual partners you've had?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 14.) Do you feel desperate about your need for a lover, sexual fix, or future mate?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 15.) Have you or do you have sex regardless of the consequences (e.g.. the threat of being caught, the risk of contracting herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS, etc.)?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 16.) Do you find that you have a pattern of repeating bad relationships?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 17.) Do you feel that your only (or major) value in a relationship is your ability to perform sexually, or provide an emotional fix?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 18.) Do you feel that you're not "really alive" unless you are with your sexual / romantic partner?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 19.) Do you feel entitled to sex?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 20.) Do you find yourself in a relationship that you cannot leave?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 21.) Have you ever threatened your financial stability or standing in the community by pursuing a sexual partner?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 22.) Do you believe that the problems in your "love life" result from continuing to remain with the "wrong" person?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 23.) Have you ever had a serious relationship threatened or destroyed because of outside sexual activity?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 24.) Do you feel that life would have no meaning without a love relationship or without sex?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 25.) Do you find yourself flirting or sexualizing with someone even if you do not mean to?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 26.) Does your sexual and/or romantic behavior affect your reputation?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 27.) Do you have sex and/or "relationships" to try to deal with, or escape from life'sproblems?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 28.) Do you feel uncomfortable about your masturbation because of the frequency with which you masturbate, the fantasies you engage in, the props you use, and/or the places in which you do it?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 29.) Do you engage in the practice of voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc. in ways that bring discomfort and pain?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 30.) Do you find yourself needing greater and greater variety and energy in your sexual or romantic activities just to achieve an "acceptable" level of physical and emotional relief?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 31.) Do you need to have sex, or "fall in love" in order to feel like a "real man" or a "real woman"?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 32.) Do you feel that your sexual and romantic behavior is about as rewarding as hijacking a revolving door?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 33.) Are you unable to concentrate on other areas of your life because of thoughts or feelings you are having about another person or about sex?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 34.) Do you find yourself obsessing about a specific person or sexual act even though these thoughts bring pain, craving or discomfort?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 35.) Have you ever wished you could stop or control your sexual and romantic activitiesfor a given period of time?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 36.) Do you find the pain in your life increasing no matter what you do?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 37.) Do you feel that you lack dignity and wholeness?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 38.) Do you feel that your sexual and/or romantic life affects your spiritual life in a negative way?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 39.) Do you feel that your life is unmanageable because of your excessive dependency needs?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 40.) Have you ever thought that there might be more you could do with your life if you were not so driven by sexual and romantic pursuits?
excerpted © 1985 S.L.A.A.
The following questions are designed to be used as guidelines to identifying possible signposts of sex and love addiction. They are not intended to provide a sure-fire method of diagnosis, nor can negative answers to these questions provide absolute assurance that the illness is not present. Many sex and love addicts have varying patterns which can result in very different ways of approaching and answering these questions. Despite this fact, we have found that short, to-the-point questions have often provided as effective a tool for self-diagnosis as have lengthy explanations of what sex and love addiction is. We appreciate that the diagnosis of sex and love addiction is a matter that needs to be both very serious and very private. We hope that these questions will prove helpful.
Yes [ ] No [ ] 1.) Have you ever tried to control how much sex to have or how often you would see someone?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 2.) Do you find yourself unable to stop seeing a specific person even though you know that seeing this person is destructive to you?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 3.) Do you feel that you don't want anyone to know about your sexual or romantic activities?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 4.) Do you get "high" from sex and/or romance?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 5.) Have you had sex at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, and/or with inappropriate people?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 6.) Do you make promises to yourself concerning your sexual or romantic behavior that you find you cannot follow?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 7.) Have you had or do you have sex with someone you don't (didn't) want to have sex with?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 8.) Do you believe that sex and/or a relationship will make your life bearable?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 9.) Have you ever felt that you had to have sex?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 10.) Do you believe that someone can "fix" you?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 11.) Do you keep a list, written or otherwise, of the number of partners you've had?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 12.) Do you feel desperation or uneasiness when you are away from your lover or sexual partner?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 13.) Have you lost count of the number of sexual partners you've had?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 14.) Do you feel desperate about your need for a lover, sexual fix, or future mate?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 15.) Have you or do you have sex regardless of the consequences (e.g.. the threat of being caught, the risk of contracting herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS, etc.)?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 16.) Do you find that you have a pattern of repeating bad relationships?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 17.) Do you feel that your only (or major) value in a relationship is your ability to perform sexually, or provide an emotional fix?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 18.) Do you feel that you're not "really alive" unless you are with your sexual / romantic partner?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 19.) Do you feel entitled to sex?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 20.) Do you find yourself in a relationship that you cannot leave?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 21.) Have you ever threatened your financial stability or standing in the community by pursuing a sexual partner?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 22.) Do you believe that the problems in your "love life" result from continuing to remain with the "wrong" person?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 23.) Have you ever had a serious relationship threatened or destroyed because of outside sexual activity?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 24.) Do you feel that life would have no meaning without a love relationship or without sex?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 25.) Do you find yourself flirting or sexualizing with someone even if you do not mean to?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 26.) Does your sexual and/or romantic behavior affect your reputation?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 27.) Do you have sex and/or "relationships" to try to deal with, or escape from life'sproblems?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 28.) Do you feel uncomfortable about your masturbation because of the frequency with which you masturbate, the fantasies you engage in, the props you use, and/or the places in which you do it?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 29.) Do you engage in the practice of voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc. in ways that bring discomfort and pain?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 30.) Do you find yourself needing greater and greater variety and energy in your sexual or romantic activities just to achieve an "acceptable" level of physical and emotional relief?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 31.) Do you need to have sex, or "fall in love" in order to feel like a "real man" or a "real woman"?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 32.) Do you feel that your sexual and romantic behavior is about as rewarding as hijacking a revolving door?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 33.) Are you unable to concentrate on other areas of your life because of thoughts or feelings you are having about another person or about sex?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 34.) Do you find yourself obsessing about a specific person or sexual act even though these thoughts bring pain, craving or discomfort?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 35.) Have you ever wished you could stop or control your sexual and romantic activitiesfor a given period of time?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 36.) Do you find the pain in your life increasing no matter what you do?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 37.) Do you feel that you lack dignity and wholeness?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 38.) Do you feel that your sexual and/or romantic life affects your spiritual life in a negative way?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 39.) Do you feel that your life is unmanageable because of your excessive dependency needs?
Yes [ ] No [ ] 40.) Have you ever thought that there might be more you could do with your life if you were not so driven by sexual and romantic pursuits?
TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT SLAA
TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT S.L.A.A.
Attend S.L.A.A. Meetings.
Get a copy of a meeting list for local S.L.A.A. groups. Join on-line meetings at http://slaaonline.org. Attend at least six meetings before determining whether you wish to be a member.
- Listen.
Listen for what you have in common, not for what is different. Sit back, relax and keep an open mind.
- Talk After Meetings.
Speak to at least one person after the meeting. Feel free to ask questions. The members are there to help you. If the meeting is followed by a social activity such as going out for coffee, join the group. Use the opportunity to ask questions about the program and to get better acquainted with some of the members.
- Call a Member.
If the meeting distributes a phone list, take a copy. If not, ask several members for
their numbers. Call at least one person on the list to discuss S.L.A.A. during the next week.
- Visit Websites.
Visit the S.L.A.A. international website, www.slaafws.org. Learn about publications, long distance sponsors and online S.L.A.A. meetings. Perhaps you can also visit a
See Right hand side for links for diffrent AA groups
Contact our Main Office. AA main office is known as Fellowship-Wide Services, Inc. The F.W.S. staff can answer your questions and help you obtain S.L.A.A. materials:
Our Basic Text, Sex and Love AddictsAnonymous The Journal, our “bimonthly meeting in print”
The First Ten Years of The Journal, recovery stories by members, in three volumes
Audio tapes and CDs S.L.A.A. pamphlets and other literature Read, Listen, Discuss. Read S.L.A.A. literature and/or listen to S.L.A.A. tapes and CDs. Discuss what you have learned with S.L.A.A. members.
Attend S.L.A.A. Meetings.
Get a copy of a meeting list for local S.L.A.A. groups. Join on-line meetings at http://slaaonline.org. Attend at least six meetings before determining whether you wish to be a member.
- Listen.
Listen for what you have in common, not for what is different. Sit back, relax and keep an open mind.
- Talk After Meetings.
Speak to at least one person after the meeting. Feel free to ask questions. The members are there to help you. If the meeting is followed by a social activity such as going out for coffee, join the group. Use the opportunity to ask questions about the program and to get better acquainted with some of the members.
- Call a Member.
If the meeting distributes a phone list, take a copy. If not, ask several members for
their numbers. Call at least one person on the list to discuss S.L.A.A. during the next week.
- Visit Websites.
Visit the S.L.A.A. international website, www.slaafws.org. Learn about publications, long distance sponsors and online S.L.A.A. meetings. Perhaps you can also visit a
See Right hand side for links for diffrent AA groups
Contact our Main Office. AA main office is known as Fellowship-Wide Services, Inc. The F.W.S. staff can answer your questions and help you obtain S.L.A.A. materials:
Our Basic Text, Sex and Love AddictsAnonymous The Journal, our “bimonthly meeting in print”
The First Ten Years of The Journal, recovery stories by members, in three volumes
Audio tapes and CDs S.L.A.A. pamphlets and other literature Read, Listen, Discuss. Read S.L.A.A. literature and/or listen to S.L.A.A. tapes and CDs. Discuss what you have learned with S.L.A.A. members.
How Can Someone Tell Who Is A Sex And Love Addict?
HOW CAN SOMEONE TELL WHO’S A SEX AND LOVE ADDICT?
Only the individual can tell if he or she is physically, mentally, or emotionally addicted to sex and/or love. Going to several meetings will allow them to tell if they can identify with other sex and love addicts. Obtaining the pamphlet Sex and Love Addiction: 40 Questions for Self Diagnosis will help to evaluate sexual activities, romantic behavior, emotional involvements and avoidance behavior. The 40 Questions for Self Diagnosis are also posted on the S.L.A.A. website and here on the Blog.
Only the individual can tell if he or she is physically, mentally, or emotionally addicted to sex and/or love. Going to several meetings will allow them to tell if they can identify with other sex and love addicts. Obtaining the pamphlet Sex and Love Addiction: 40 Questions for Self Diagnosis will help to evaluate sexual activities, romantic behavior, emotional involvements and avoidance behavior. The 40 Questions for Self Diagnosis are also posted on the S.L.A.A. website and here on the Blog.
What Is Sex And Love Addiction?
WHAT IS SEX AND LOVE ADDICTION?
We in S.L.A.A. believe that sex and love addiction is a progressive illness which cannot be cured but which, like many illnesses, can be arrested. It may take several forms -- including (but not limited to) a compulsive need for sex, extreme dependency on one person (or many), and/or a chronic preoccupation with romance, intrigue or fantasy. Sex and love addiction may also take the form of a compulsive avoidance of giving or receiving social, sexual, or emotional nourishment. This avoidance of intimacy is known in S.L.A.A. as anorexia. We have found that obsessive/compulsive patterns exist in which relationships or sexual activities have become increasingly destructive to career, family and sense of self-respect. Sex and love addiction leads to ever worsening consequences if it continues unchecked.
In S.L.A.A., we learn to accept the reality of having this addiction and surrender any notion that we can control it successfully on the basis of our unaided will. Admitting personal powerlessness over this affliction, we cease our addictive behavior and turn to guidance from a Power greater than ourselves, make restitution for harm done to others, and reconstruct our lives physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
We in S.L.A.A. believe that sex and love addiction is a progressive illness which cannot be cured but which, like many illnesses, can be arrested. It may take several forms -- including (but not limited to) a compulsive need for sex, extreme dependency on one person (or many), and/or a chronic preoccupation with romance, intrigue or fantasy. Sex and love addiction may also take the form of a compulsive avoidance of giving or receiving social, sexual, or emotional nourishment. This avoidance of intimacy is known in S.L.A.A. as anorexia. We have found that obsessive/compulsive patterns exist in which relationships or sexual activities have become increasingly destructive to career, family and sense of self-respect. Sex and love addiction leads to ever worsening consequences if it continues unchecked.
In S.L.A.A., we learn to accept the reality of having this addiction and surrender any notion that we can control it successfully on the basis of our unaided will. Admitting personal powerlessness over this affliction, we cease our addictive behavior and turn to guidance from a Power greater than ourselves, make restitution for harm done to others, and reconstruct our lives physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
What Is SLAA?
WHAT IS SLAA?
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to stay sober. They offer the same help to anyone who has an addiction with sex and/or love and wants to do something about it. Since S.L.A.A members are all addicts themselves, they have a special understanding of each other and the disease. They know what the illness feels like and they have learned how to recover from it through S.L.A.A.
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to stay sober. They offer the same help to anyone who has an addiction with sex and/or love and wants to do something about it. Since S.L.A.A members are all addicts themselves, they have a special understanding of each other and the disease. They know what the illness feels like and they have learned how to recover from it through S.L.A.A.
Characteristics Of Sex And Love Addiction
Characteristics Of Sex And Love Addiction
1. Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally
attached to people without knowing them.
2. Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive
relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing
more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God.
3. Fearing emotional and or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time.
4. We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or to be rescued.
5. We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and
commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.
6. We sexualize stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and envy. We use sex or
emotional dependence as substitute for nurturing, care, and support.
7. We use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.
8. We become immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsession or fantasies.
9. We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable.
10. We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue, or compulsive sexual activities.
11. To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may retreat from all intimate involvement, mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery.
12. We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations.
1. Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally
attached to people without knowing them.
2. Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive
relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing
more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God.
3. Fearing emotional and or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time.
4. We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or to be rescued.
5. We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and
commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.
6. We sexualize stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and envy. We use sex or
emotional dependence as substitute for nurturing, care, and support.
7. We use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.
8. We become immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsession or fantasies.
9. We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable.
10. We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue, or compulsive sexual activities.
11. To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may retreat from all intimate involvement, mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery.
12. We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations.
The SLAA Preamble
The SLAA Preamble
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous © is a Twelve Step, Twelve Traditionoriented fellowship based on the model pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous.
The only qualification for S.L.A.A. membership is a desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction. S.L.A.A. is supported entirely through contributions of its membership, and is free to all who need it.
To counter the destructive consequences of sex and love addiction we draw on five major resources:
1 - Sobriety. Our willingness to stop acting out in our own personal bottom-line addictive behavior on a daily basis.
2 - Sponsorship and Meetings. Our capacity to reach out for the supportive fellowship within S.L.A.A.
3 - Steps. Our practice of the Twelve Step program of recovery to achieve sexual and emotional sobriety.
4 - Service. Our giving back to the S.L.A.A. community what we continue to freely receive.
5 - Spirituality. Our developing a relationship with a Power greater than ourselves which can guide and sustain us in recovery.
As a fellowship S.L.A.A. has no opinion on outside issues and seeks no controversy. S.L.A.A. is not affiliated with any other organizations,movements, or causes, either religious or secular. We are, however, united in a common focus: dealing with our addictive sexual and emotional behavior. We find a common denominator in our obsessive/compulsive patterns that renders any personal differences of sexual or gender orientation irrelevant.
We need protect with special care the anonymity of every S.L.A.A. member.
Additionally, we try to avoid drawing undue attention to S.L.A.A. as a whole from the public media.
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous © is a Twelve Step, Twelve Traditionoriented fellowship based on the model pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous.
The only qualification for S.L.A.A. membership is a desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction. S.L.A.A. is supported entirely through contributions of its membership, and is free to all who need it.
To counter the destructive consequences of sex and love addiction we draw on five major resources:
1 - Sobriety. Our willingness to stop acting out in our own personal bottom-line addictive behavior on a daily basis.
2 - Sponsorship and Meetings. Our capacity to reach out for the supportive fellowship within S.L.A.A.
3 - Steps. Our practice of the Twelve Step program of recovery to achieve sexual and emotional sobriety.
4 - Service. Our giving back to the S.L.A.A. community what we continue to freely receive.
5 - Spirituality. Our developing a relationship with a Power greater than ourselves which can guide and sustain us in recovery.
As a fellowship S.L.A.A. has no opinion on outside issues and seeks no controversy. S.L.A.A. is not affiliated with any other organizations,movements, or causes, either religious or secular. We are, however, united in a common focus: dealing with our addictive sexual and emotional behavior. We find a common denominator in our obsessive/compulsive patterns that renders any personal differences of sexual or gender orientation irrelevant.
We need protect with special care the anonymity of every S.L.A.A. member.
Additionally, we try to avoid drawing undue attention to S.L.A.A. as a whole from the public media.
The Twelve Traditions of S.L.A.A.
The Twelve Traditions of S.L.A.A.
1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon S.L.A.A. unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority -- a loving God as this Power may be expressed through our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for S.L.A.A. membership is the desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction. Any two or more persons gathered together for mutual aid in recovering from sex and love addiction may call themselves an S.L.A.A. group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or S.L.A.A. as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose -- to carry its message to the sex and love addict who still suffers.
6. An S.L.A.A. group or S.L.A.A. as a whole ought never to endorse, finance, or lend the S.L.A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every S.L.A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. S.L.A.A. should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. S.L.A.A. as such ought never to be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. S.L.A.A. has no opinion on outside issues; hence the S.L.A.A. name ought never to be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, film, and other public media. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all fellow S.L.A.A. members.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to
place principles before personalities.
1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon S.L.A.A. unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority -- a loving God as this Power may be expressed through our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for S.L.A.A. membership is the desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction. Any two or more persons gathered together for mutual aid in recovering from sex and love addiction may call themselves an S.L.A.A. group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or S.L.A.A. as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose -- to carry its message to the sex and love addict who still suffers.
6. An S.L.A.A. group or S.L.A.A. as a whole ought never to endorse, finance, or lend the S.L.A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every S.L.A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. S.L.A.A. should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. S.L.A.A. as such ought never to be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. S.L.A.A. has no opinion on outside issues; hence the S.L.A.A. name ought never to be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, film, and other public media. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all fellow S.L.A.A. members.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to
place principles before personalities.
S.L.A.A Promises
S.L.A.A Promises
If you have decided to follow the suggestions of this program, a new life will begin to unfold within you. Along with this new life are promises that will guide and sustain you. They are manifesting among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
1. We will regain control of our lives.
2. We will begin to feel dignity and respect for ourselves.
3. The Loneliness will subside and we will begin to enjoy being alone.
4. We will no longer be plagued by an unceasing sense of longing.
5. In the company of family and friends, we will be with them in body and mind.
6. We will pursue interests and activities that we desire for ourselves.
7. Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed.
8. We will Love and Accept ourselves.
9. We will relate to others from a state of wholeness.
10. We will extend ourselves to nurture our own spiritual growth and that of others.
11. We will make peace with our past and make amends to those we have harmed.
12. We will be thankful for what has been given us, what has been taken away and what has been left behind.
If you have decided to follow the suggestions of this program, a new life will begin to unfold within you. Along with this new life are promises that will guide and sustain you. They are manifesting among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
1. We will regain control of our lives.
2. We will begin to feel dignity and respect for ourselves.
3. The Loneliness will subside and we will begin to enjoy being alone.
4. We will no longer be plagued by an unceasing sense of longing.
5. In the company of family and friends, we will be with them in body and mind.
6. We will pursue interests and activities that we desire for ourselves.
7. Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed.
8. We will Love and Accept ourselves.
9. We will relate to others from a state of wholeness.
10. We will extend ourselves to nurture our own spiritual growth and that of others.
11. We will make peace with our past and make amends to those we have harmed.
12. We will be thankful for what has been given us, what has been taken away and what has been left behind.
Tools that Help Recovery In SLAA
Tools that Help Recovery
Meetings - where we share our experience, strength and hope with each other to better understand our common problem and work together towards the solution.
Telephone - our meeting between meetings. By making contact with others, we begin to break out of the isolation that is so strong an element of the disease.
Sponsorship - two people with the same problem helping each other to work the program. It can provide a framework for a recovery plan and for doing the Twelve Steps, and bring emotional support at difficult times.
Literature - SLAA uses Conference-approved literature, plus our own books and pamphlets.
Twelve Steps - a guiding program of Recovery based on the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Prayer and Meditation - a means of establishing conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves, for spiritual healing.
Recovery Plan - a pre-determined way of expressing our sexuality consistent with our values, so that even when confused, we have a written guideline to help us.
Withdrawal - (partial or total). We get support in SLAA by abstaining from behavior, people, places or things that we consider harmful. Without abstinence, recovery is impossible.
Relationships - a way of changing the instant gratification habit and of getting to know more about ourselves and another person before committing ourselves to any sexual decisions. We let go of self-serving power and prestige as driving motives.
Slogans - simple statements that can be used in crisis situations to give some basic guidelines.
Service - a way of helping ourselves by helping others.
Meetings - where we share our experience, strength and hope with each other to better understand our common problem and work together towards the solution.
Telephone - our meeting between meetings. By making contact with others, we begin to break out of the isolation that is so strong an element of the disease.
Sponsorship - two people with the same problem helping each other to work the program. It can provide a framework for a recovery plan and for doing the Twelve Steps, and bring emotional support at difficult times.
Literature - SLAA uses Conference-approved literature, plus our own books and pamphlets.
Twelve Steps - a guiding program of Recovery based on the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Prayer and Meditation - a means of establishing conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves, for spiritual healing.
Recovery Plan - a pre-determined way of expressing our sexuality consistent with our values, so that even when confused, we have a written guideline to help us.
Withdrawal - (partial or total). We get support in SLAA by abstaining from behavior, people, places or things that we consider harmful. Without abstinence, recovery is impossible.
Relationships - a way of changing the instant gratification habit and of getting to know more about ourselves and another person before committing ourselves to any sexual decisions. We let go of self-serving power and prestige as driving motives.
Slogans - simple statements that can be used in crisis situations to give some basic guidelines.
Service - a way of helping ourselves by helping others.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The Twelve Steps of SLAA
The Twelve Steps of SLAA
1. We admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to sex and love addicts, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.
1. We admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to sex and love addicts, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.
THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Stronger Chain
My recent sculpture in form of my expression.
its chains that were thrown out and they were rusty and damaged, i washed the rust off and welded them together to be strong enough to support a table, (metaphor of my life story) it turned out to be much more amazing and eye catching than i thought. i cant wait to paint and see the finish product.
like these chain find your weaker links and make them stronger by bonding with it, and making it stronger to stand stress of time and support the weight of other around you and support its own weight.
to update on my situation I'm still sober on my main bottom line and trying ever so hard not to contact the EX, there has been some close calls with chastity in the eyes where i stared at some one in social gathering and it felt awkward and i was trying to stop my self the whole time from imposing my self on them, i want to be sober for few more months before writing new bottom lines to start dating or i should keep sober longer (will consult the therapist over this)
i went to SLAA support group class today, and i learned others behaviors that was something i had never scene, one person was addicted to sugar so they would abuse sugar and junk food and feel bad the next day and would act out in sexual form. there was a new member from out of town who came down to get another class in a week because it was hard for them to move forward this week by just going to one support group class.
the reading was based on 1st step of SLAA
1. We admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.
life becomes unmanageable when a routine has taken over a life and now its in control of you, you might notice this or might not, it would be subtle at first then it would slowly take over you, only an outsider will see your character take this negative change and can call out this character defect for you.
you will see the character defect at first through examples of what you have done, but first sign is discharging it with excuses and denial then slowly you have to accept in order to move forward as you will commit the same acts of character defect over and over and hurt more people in the process.
i noticed that i haven't listed the steps on my blog i will write one with each one and perhaps a short description to help the ones who are still suffering and interested out there.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
A week in summary
How I believe the past is vast
Your face was just a dream at best
Telling me it was all a dream
Wake up move on, as hard it seems
But I see your foot prints beside me
In sand of time falling behind you
Poem by Blogger
I had a crazy week, it was mixes of crises and victories, out little bird passed on, and perhaps he was old and found his last home before he wanted to pass on.
it was such a good bird, that made my whole family cry, it was already hand trained and would sit on your shoulder and eat form your hand.
We bought a replacement bird but in no wise are replacing the old one as it’s not yet hand trained and our patience is tested every day.
it’s been crazy for me in the past few weeks since two years date of knowing the EX. and finally this week I ditched the old phone with the help of the therapist, and I’ve stopped reading the old text messages, which were wrong and negative, as much a it helped me keep reminding myself of monster I was, at this stage it wasn’t helping me to find the inner me and I was keeping baggage from the past and reminding myself of options available or not available.
If you’re holding to some things from the past let go in time, like the blanket you keep hugging to find comfort as childhood you have to find a mean to let go before it becomes part of your character.
one thing therapist said that stuck was, in order to fix the character defects and OCD (obsessive compulsive part of addiction) you have to obtain new habits and hobbies and do those over and over to get a new routine on life.
Post your remarks and comments, and take the poll on the right hand side, I really like to know your addiction triggers and crutches.
Friday, October 15, 2010
"It Gets Better"
Fort Worth City Councilman Joel Burns reaches out to GLBT teens with a personal story and a message of hope, The video blog is self explanatory, I like to thank Joel for coming out and making every teenagers life much easier to cope and give them hope as that things will get easier, please stick around, to make those happy memories for yourself" "attitude of society will change" "It Gets Better"
How I want to go back to when I was 13 like in Joel’s speech and know things will get better and happy, but I am still waiting for that day to come.
This video was my “Chicken soup for a gay soul” today it was filled with tragedy and the heroism and victories Joel has had in his life, to create a contrast that life is worth living.
I like to thank Joel again for the video and thank every ones support, I tried calling him to thank him personally but voice mail was full, I think by creating this blog I can share him with the rest of the world.
MrXvX83 user on YouTube recorded a thank you video, where he thanked Joel for saying what he had to say, and remarkably concluded for those leaving negative remarks towards gays that:
"Whoever raised you, they failed you, and they failed you miserably"
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Issue and Roots
I had my meeting with my therapist earlier in the week. I recommend a therapist to anyone who doesn’t have a support group or a sponsor and sponsee relation in their AA group.
it has been a long time that I have been a patient of his and wanted to know what he thought over all about my character defect and how I was doing over all, I had never asked, different Dr's practice differently and this one just listens and when he thinks you’re doing something wrong he jumps in there and leaves me with goals to achieve in long term or short terms based on my needs.
So when I asked what he thought about my character defects, he paused and said nothing really out of the ordinary for a sex addict. you (meaning I) sought attention through wrong portals lack of family affection or acceptance drove me to higher measures or quick love and affection, and perhaps you acting out in a relationship was your way of trying to get more attention as well from your partner, and now you’re working on path of building a better education back ground and self esteem to move forward in life and move out I think should be your goal in near future as your family is just there and not supporting you emotionally.
some of all this is true, I am from a different background caught in middle of two generations, my family being tough on education and rules of family ethics, and cultural backgrounds which father and son doesn't show affection or bonding, while in North American culture the family ethics are rarely taken seriously and love and bonding is there if not from the family there will be love from close relatives and cousins which I don't have in my town either.
Not to make excuses but family and immediate family does make a difference in upbringing.
If you don't have family near you or are a small family there is always friends and healthy friendship bonds that can replicate the family and cousins.
family can be part of the issue in addiction but one should be strong and resort to other modes beside the social crutches (alcohol, cigarettes and drugs or in our case sex) as a mode of venting or self expression, because as the need increases so does the compensation and next thing you realize you can’t let go of the pattern that has emerged before you.
Keep going to classes, and quit old habits and form new ones and by doing the new habits over and over the old habits soon will go away, this is basis of recovery.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Whirling Unto A Dervish
Whirling around to find ecstasy
Finding my love, in my eyes to see
Faster I whirled, faster I get there
How long can I turn in this ecstasy?
Finding my balance in tip toe and heel
How long can I kneel to my own addiction
Poem by Blogger
Dervish dance of Sufi, they choose to live in poverty and only have the robes on their back and metal bowl for their belongings on their neck.
A Whirling Dervish is a classic Rumi signature, where their turn to find ecstasy and get closer to go and find spiritual ohm, Rumi started his dervish movement abandoned his family and wife to his wealth, in search to find his gay lover "Shams'e Tabrizi" . rumour that he was killed by the hands of Rumi's sons but he continued on his search from now eastern Iran to turkey, where he wrote many poems and Masnavi's and whirled unto a Dervish till he passed away.
The whirling is a huge tourist attraction even through it’s is only meant to be in form of prayer and meditation.
Some classical writers indicate that the poverty of the Dervish is not merely economic. Rumi, for instance, says in Book 1 of his Masnavi.
Water that's poured inside will sink the boat
While water underneath keeps it afloat.
Driving wealth from his heart to keep it pure
King Solomon preferred the title 'Poor':
That sealed jar in the stormy sea out there
Floats on the waves because it's full of air,
When you've the air of dervishood inside
You'll float above the world and there abide
By Rumi
12 centrury poet
(in my opinion first openly gay poet)
It was his meeting with the dervish Shams-e Tabrizi on 15 November 1244 that completely changed Rumi's life. Shams had traveled throughout the Middle East searching and praying for someone who could "endure my company". A voice said to him, "What will you give in return?" Shams replied, "My head!" The voice then said, "The one you seek is Jalal ud-Din of Konya." On the night of 5 December 1248, as Rumi and Shams were talking, Shams was called to the back door. He went out, never to be seen again. It is rumored that Shams was murdered with the connivance of Rumi's son, 'Ala' ud-Din; if so, Shams indeed gave his head for the privilege of mystical friendship.[27]
Rumi's love for, and his bereavement at the death of, Shams found their expression in an outpouring of music, dance, and lyric poems, Divan-e Shams-e Tabrizi. He himself went out searching for Shams and journeyed again to Damascus. There, he realized:
Why should I seek? I am the same as He.
His essence speaks through me.
I have been looking for myself!
I like this form of poetry as it rhyme and easy to digest as its melody to the ear and food for the soul. In some ways the addiction and the rehab process is like whirling dervish to me where you have to give up everything in order to get there, and find happiness in your self.
Monday, October 11, 2010
A Lost Bird Finds a New Home
I had a great weekend, at home getting better and having elders over and family union, was a great bonding time.
On Saturday as the weather was nice outside, we were sitting out when a parekeette just flew on my Dad's shoulder and it just sat there, all of us were in shock that where did it came from and totally shocked and amazed at the nature.
My dad quickly moved towards the door and into the house with the bird, it didn’t leave his shoulder, nor frightened and if you hold your finger to the bird, it jumps on your finger, its definitely belong to someone but we took it as a sign of great forbearance for it to choose our family and we took him in for two days and announced to our neighbors if it is theirs or know any one that lost a parakeet, but no one came forward, and now we have a new pet bird named “snowball”
Life has its joy,
We just need to live much simpler.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Food and Body Relation
Since the last post I got food poisoning and due to my current illness my body just quit on me, with high fever and vomiting it wasn’t a pretty sight, blessing in disguise that I still live at home and I had my family to take care of me as I have no other to care for or be cared to.
It was a rough few days, as I’m trying to leave work and train someone new, going to work half day to just do email and go home. I still took time to do the night class study in bed and have been staying clear of any communication and contacts.
The food I ate was from a sub-place, kind of comfort food, as I recall sharing on few occasions with the EX, after clubbing or when I was coming over, we had sub-sandwiches together and how pleasant and caring the feeling where then. But this time the feeling that I was trying to recreate, got quickly replaced with sickness and headaches.
I was reading a journal about food and its relation to human brain waves, brain is sophisticated and they are still scratching the surface on what its capable of, the article stated that brain waves get stronger and weaker when hungry and full, some people become stress eaters or others can’t eat because of the stress, some develop relations with a food and related to a moment or activity they incur after easting the food, and by eating that food again they feel comforted and want to have it over and over hence the name comfort food like Mac and cheese, or creamy tomato soup and labels like: homemade or moms recipe on marketed items in the grocery shelves where people relate to strongly back to their child hood or moment where everything was care free or was going well.
The 2 year mark came and passed and I made contact with the EX. not for help perhaps it was to state that he is still in my thoughts, and what I have done wrong still bothers me and I am still sorry for it all.
I have some incurring head aches from the food illness, and should clear up soon. I am going to SLAA classes on Sundays as I feel better and I have my therapist meeting this week to go to as well.
My Tip of the post
keep healthy by eating healthy meals and stay clear of junk food and fast food places, pack a healthy lunch, and low sugar drink and stop the use of social crutches (e.g.: smoking drinking or narcotics)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Ugly Truth
Walking in a fall day feeling cold
Darkness fading but no warmth
Dry fall leaves crackle in my feet
How I only hear your voice than feet
I find my heart convexed and sold
Searing the truth in time is old
Poem by blogger
I was thinking this week, after looking over some old emails and correspondences from the past, that I was trying to tell the truth and how I thought they are painful for him to take and I would leave out bits and part in my telling the truth.
I wasn’t being knave or lying, I honestly cared too much for him and didn’t want to hurt him by saying I was an addict and I couldn’t stop at the time. It was also the thought of losing him where I would say anything to keep him in my arms.
Its personal denial to the fact you are an addict and you need help. Fearing the loves ones near you will abandon you and leave this is a hard matter to handle specially with your love the near ones or perhaps confusing love with neediness, and fear of being alone.
Check with yourself what you’re saying and is it in correlation with your process of recovery and actions. Do you lie to just get by and you lie because you love them either way you have to come to a realization that addict’s actions get worse by lying and only telling the minimum. It feeds the monster inside you and will never let you go.
Tell the truth and be open about your sexuality, keep the ones you love close to you and your trigger points and enemies far, as they will cause relapse in your recovery and down fall to your effort in SLAA.
Monday, October 4, 2010
2 year
Oh, what will I do?
If I can't be with you
Tell me where I will turn to
Where will I be without you?
Now that we are apart
Am I still in your heart?
All I want to do, is run to you
Wipe away these scars
Can you feel the hurt in me?
Will you stay or will I go to sea
Each day I live the role of tides
That you’re by my side at nights
But nobody is there
It’s cold once you were there
Poem by blogger
I have been thinking about this day, 9:25 AM October 4th 2008, for a long time. it’s the minute I started my communication with my EX, 2 years ago today, and lasted for just over a year of on and off relationship, it was a year of roller coaster ride in terms of relationship, a lot of highs and lows and lies and happy moments together, and it was over mostly and mainly because of my addiction to sex and not willing to change.
I was thinking how it was so far away, and what will happen when it arrives?
There has been no day that I haven’t thought about my last relationship and what I did wrong, I beat myself over and over with it, and debated about contacting him and reaching out to him.
Through the therapist, I realized I have caused him enough pain and need to leave him alone, and not to contact him anymore I am beginning to accept the fact and what has happened and there was divine call in some sequences of event for me to realize that the path i was going was wrong, and hurtful to other and mostly to my self.
I still read through the old text, some bad and some good, and haven’t been able to change my phone and let go of them. The negative ones motivate the change in me and remind me of what a dark and horrible person I once was and person that I can be if I don’t continue on my road to recovery.
I’ve been sober for 10 months now and I have found out a lot about myself and what my relationship consisted of in the past. I gained much needed tools and experience to deal with my sexual cravings and have managed to stay away from old protocols and trigger points.
Sometimes I feel like I need to create contact with the EX, pick up the phone and call him or text him, it has been really hard, and harder to stop thinking, thinking about who he is with, how is he doing! I detect when i am starting to fantasize and stop the patterns of negative and none conducive thoughts.
It has not been easy I have paid some heavy prices, like isolation and depriving myself of something which at the time I thought I wanted, and was mixing up my wants and needs and prioritizing them all in category of need, when I just wanted them for my pleasure and gratification. It was all selfish thoughts and never contained any one or thought about any one else in
I am still dealing with my health issue and trying to keep healthy for a bit longer before chemical and medical remedy needs to be an option. Beside my health I am still a sex addict in recovery and have to remind my self on daily basis.
keep sober and find your trigger points, and go to SLAA classes if your dragging your heels and hesitant about starting the recovery process.
Aren't you worth it!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
A Week in summary
I am feeling a lot of withdrawal over this past week, some issues over the two weeks’ notice at work, and soon it will be two years that I meet my ex, and in some way my process of recovery got jump started, and I slowly realized that I am an addict.
over my two weeks’ notice at work, I think it’s a good decision, as I will focus more on my school work and try harder for a new job.
Its two years that I started to know myself again, and get to realize that my infidelity was much deeply rooted than just not being able to commit to a relationship.
Addiction never crossed my mind originally, but I thought I can do it on my own originally and then I sought professional help where groups of SLAA came into place.
Even though I was resistant to join the group I finally did and for the first months of sessions.
I quickly jumped from one relationship to another and I screed that one too with my infidelity and cheating, he accepted my addiction but I couldn't do it again and I saw him being questioning of my daily life, and it was over because he knew I still liked Mass. and he tried to ruin him as a stalker.
I took time and stuck to SLAA classes and thought I was cured and called Mass. and tried to start the relationship again another time. It was ok for first few weeks and started again and I relapsed back to my old ways.
All of past year is passing through my thought and how far I have come and still not close to say fully recovered.
I keep relapsing on negative thoughts and no matter how much people around me tell me how “Beautiful “ I am I don’t feel it as I am missing affection and visible love that can’t be replaces from what I once had.
over my two weeks’ notice at work, I think it’s a good decision, as I will focus more on my school work and try harder for a new job.
Its two years that I started to know myself again, and get to realize that my infidelity was much deeply rooted than just not being able to commit to a relationship.
Addiction never crossed my mind originally, but I thought I can do it on my own originally and then I sought professional help where groups of SLAA came into place.
Even though I was resistant to join the group I finally did and for the first months of sessions.
I quickly jumped from one relationship to another and I screed that one too with my infidelity and cheating, he accepted my addiction but I couldn't do it again and I saw him being questioning of my daily life, and it was over because he knew I still liked Mass. and he tried to ruin him as a stalker.
I took time and stuck to SLAA classes and thought I was cured and called Mass. and tried to start the relationship again another time. It was ok for first few weeks and started again and I relapsed back to my old ways.
All of past year is passing through my thought and how far I have come and still not close to say fully recovered.
I keep relapsing on negative thoughts and no matter how much people around me tell me how “Beautiful “ I am I don’t feel it as I am missing affection and visible love that can’t be replaces from what I once had.
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