Deja vu

I am seeing Deja Vu

Everywhere I look and every where I turn
I see his eyes, turning right at me

His hand is missing with every turn in bed
Feeling sad and lost in all this sand

Every grain that falls in sand clock
Where do I turn as I feel in a lock?

I see him speed walk and talk
As I try to only catch up

Every time I see his car
A butter fly forms in my car

It’s not him driving but only someone else
I don't dare to wonder where he is now

I can’t wait till I fall a sleep
Since I see him even in my dreams

Dreams that seem so real
I don't want to wake up

Now I'm trying to fall a sleep
But in my dreams, where do I begin



i had such a bad weekend, i feel crummy and so cold, isolated and alienated.
cant do this without love, or is it my addiction talking?
i did every thing possible to not act out, i baked two batches of cookies, i burnt the first one, i made my famous(only at home) chocolate souffle they turned out great.
went to the gym almost every day, i watched numerous blockbuster movies and stayed home.

there was no immediate threat to my soberness, its now officially a month that i have been sex free and not contacting any one for it.

but i have to be honest that i had sex with my ex in my dream, i see him once in a while as some one who is passing by me or just stoking my head,

sometimes i see him driving his car but when i look its not him, its just the same model car, but i pretend its him driving next to me home and ill see him at the dinner table

but i have to recognize that i am a sex addict

"keep coming back"