Starting My 10th Month

You without patience
And I’m without a balance

Balance that I can’t replace
Every one I see fits his grace

I need to move forward
Why does it feel awkward?

Trying to not write back to his text
Why do I feel so vexed?

Poem by Blogger


My time off took me all the way to my art master, to help them unpack and setup the art studio. It was nice to have time for myself and reflect.
I didn’t act out nor did I have the feeling to do it, as I felt busy amongst old friends and new faces.

I had an agenda in my trip, as I feel so close to the art master, I wanted to tell him about my situation and start the coming out process. It was hard; I kept delaying it to next day and next day as excuse to guild up my loins to say it.
Finally the timing was right and I was alone with him at the pool house,

I said
"I need to talk about something important to me"

He said
"Sure go on"

I said
"I’ve had a hard time with this and feel like an outcast from the religious and family standpoint, I feel different and can’t control it any longer.

He stopped me and said
“I consider you as my 5th child and I have known all along or at least guessed it I’m glad that you’re telling me this, there is nothing wrong with you and from religious standpoint you can be gay but can’t be openly gay, and just ask for forgiveness if you feel bad about it.

I said
“I am gay and I see myself finding a partner and being in love, and I enjoy the love and companion of a man but at the same time I don’t want to hide it, it is me and I can’t deny myself any longer, I just wanted to tell you and be honest with you as I feel close to you.

We hugged and he said it will be a right, I cried like a 2 year old after he left the room, and on the drive to town he said your secret is safe with me, and if you need any help I am here, which was really comforting and great.

Most amazing part for me was the fact that he knew, and said your father probably knows too just doesn’t want to make it feel awkward for you by telling you, and my mom not telling him because she is leaving it up to you. He also concluded by saying that I’m not the only one with this issue in this religion, and there are others that have come to him with these type of questions.

It’s a Great way to start my 10th month I think, and I hope for the ones who are still in closet do come out and slowly accept themselves as by lying to people and loved ones around you I felt that a piece of my soul would die.