One side is hell
Other called heaven
Only a veil of distance
Comes to test patience
Love rained 'n received is heaven
Love retained 'n retrieved is hell
How long to spend in all this silence
In my sobriety to find its balance
Poem by Blogger
I watched a movie over the weekend it was amazing to find the link between art on silver screen and its close encounter of life captured within it. The character in the movie quoted a line where if paraphrased said "hell is not being loved and when your loved its heaven".
Wow what an amazing line, it was a bit more abstract in form of sentence but the meaning of it was as paraphrased, that the character was in hell and only thing that would save him was to find someone to love and be loved back.
When I looked back in my past I was at state of wow and high, nothing meant more to me than being with the lover do anything for him and only wanted the best in life for him. Somehow I get my emotional mix up of expectations and decline to see the love I receive and only want it in the same way I am giving.
some might be slow in giving and others fast, some show it and some just make it known, others verbally and some emotionally, yet with all these level of emotional ports to show affection, I am lost in my reciprocals from picking up the signals or yet my addiction gets the best of me and want to receive more than I give.
It was hard sitting there and trying not to think of the past, and paying attention to the movie. Perhaps it all came about after I was contacted recently; I don’t know what to do.
I have my next therapy session next week, and hope to shine a bit more light on my non-conversion and silence, as I feel this is the only way I can maintain a distance and hold on to my sobriety and perhaps the doctor next week can give me more guidance on what to do next on my step towards recovery.
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