Obstacles in my path

I left off yesterday with obstacles that sexual addicts face on their road to sorority.

My experience has been an uphill battle that I am still climbing, so I don’t see my points being a guiding light to those who are suffering but just a warning sign and tracker.

Now that I look back I have been an addict since I became sexually active at 17 just a month left to my 18th birthday, I was looking for someone to date and was looking for it in sex and cruising sites, and I started to get burned by others telling me I’m not their type or would cheat on me over and over.

This trend continued till I realized that every gay man is looking for just sex and nothing more, and since I was not out I only saw single guys or guys who are in open relationships, I became sensitized that there is no monogamous relationship and everyone is just hooking up with others.

to this date I am in that bubble and find it hard to burst out of it, I know that there are couple who are together for years and are happy and monogamous, then how come I have not meet someone like that yet! Or been introduced to one as friends?

It’s all because I am in the wrong circle, my good friends who I have broken ties with are in open relationship and they just got a gay marriage! (Go figure)
My other two gay friends are hooking up with any one that is their type and not looking for a relationship with anyone.

Another big obstacle i see is not being true to my self, and still living at home and not having my own place, which sometimes makes me actout in order to be loved or fill the void of being with some one loving and carring.

I find it hard to listen to these kind of people, they do trigger me, and set off a mind activity that is hard to explain, fragments of the past come back and relapse like a movie in my mind, and I get tired of the relationship that I am in currently, and want to find a portal of gratification, if it’s just yea that I look hot and you would want to hook up with me or just a chat that gets me off for the moment.

I guess the gratification factor, the fake happiness I call it, sometimes weighs more for me than the greatest happiness of being with the one I am seeing, or in love with. No mind can fathom the other but I guess leaving room to comprehend this idea would be a greatest leap

I will try to explain more about the gratification issues that I have.

"Keep coming back"