i don't have a poem today, but have had a lot of thoughts in my head lately some good and some bad.
mostly they are of the past which i cant change any more, but i do want to recall them and bring them to account as some of them are really bad action which needs to be de-rooted from my character defects and some are good which i have to strengthen them and some like truthfulness, make them the foundation of my social fabric.
i have admitted that i am a sexual addict and have committed my self to one year of no sexual interaction, i do masturbate, and i am trying to reduce the amount of porn i use to stimulate my self, i still have not masturbated without porn, i cant seam to do it without visual comfort of what i seek in a partner for sex, eg: muscular and physique specially endowment.
i am going to my regular Tuesday SLAA classes as i find it home and comforting, and will attempt to go to the Sunday afternoon classes when i am too hungry and lonely to have human interaction.
i have been sex free for now and find it easy on day to day basis but when i look at the long road a head i feel like i am gonna go out of line.
one thing bothered me when i looked back was the fact i lied about being cured of sex to get back with some one who meant a lot to me, he believed me, and i was apparent on the day we broke up, i saw him choke up and say " why cant you see us together"
for that i am sorry that i couldn't see past that day and wanted validation.
"keep coming back"
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