Engineer this!

concrete roses to the heart
a heavy load sank into this heart

flanged this feeling at start
i walked on to you as i knew it was a dart

how i knew we you were a tart
as we weren't right from the start

throwing my self in the ocean of mercy
sinking but no one is there to see

hope you never stay as a lover it hurts
i know your loved with every date

saw you with a young boy other day
and smile on your face like a toy today

hope you wont trash him like you do the rest
keep telling others I had him at his best

distant you are with a cigaret on your face
god have mercy on you as you smell like mace

poem by blogger

Bare These Days

The sky of this city is depressed for days, AHH
But when you come back its vibrant again
Keeping my day bright for that day of you

That day the tree will hold a party
Wiping clean grief tint from bewildering roses

That day when you come back
Winter will be gone from these valleys
Gone the wounded heart pains
Will comes true this dreams

Eyes filled with tears
It’s the day that rain dances
Its happy dance of rain

The day you come home
Plant and pot are friends
Washing the distant past

The day you come back
Distance is only a hug
Patience for you will become a dream that comes to end
The day you come back no more darkness shadows in this heart
The love will come back to my heart

Till that day comes
Fill the house with roses
To replicate your beauty
Bare these days till you come back

Gesture of faith

Your a gesture I can't erase

Your an embrace thats so fierce

 How can I be stuck in a maze

Your here there as your everywhere

And am here amazed

Please God

Please god I surrender

Let there be a mender

Forget it all and mend it

Lose my self and forget it all end it

It hurts so much let it be no more

As I see found his amore once more

I pray for him abundant warmth

Let me be my self once more

I want to feel alive and have a spark

As its all cold and grim in the dark 

Poem by blogger

How you never were

You say it hurt, 2 years see me in love with you
But can’t feel it in your voice over a year without you

I care for you like a lamb in love with the wolf
You let me go and find a way to play with me you tool

Don't promise for a future date, be together tomorrow
As I feel I’m dead and worth less for you today, yet tomorrow


now Hope it won’t hurt like it did to me
As I hate to see you lose a hair you see

To cut myself and bleed when I sleep
a metaphor a hert in pain as leap

I'm glad I filled your ego though these years
Your ego, a bottomless pit, won’t fill with tears,

now go fear god after what you did you sear

Now that you know I'm not over you
I'm glad you have a grin on your face, it glows with you

Karma goes around and I let life decide
What it will decide will be tough, now step aside

Wipe that grin on your face, go and pray
To God forgive you for all you've said till today

Wont you find someone else to screw now
Screw with their mind and let on the street they gone

Hope you get the wrath that's for you, is coming
These ugly seeds are out of me, stop sewing

poem by blogger

How are you? never need to know

I've asked of you many times recently, "how are you?"
But haven't seen you ask me the same question from you

Is it so hard to care or just won’t care for me
I promised myself not to shed for you a tear

As its waste of my soul to break over you, now who's senseless?
Caring loving that I am for you, it’s no more

The me, that you talked to you is gone for sure
How Narcissus you can be?

Put yourself before other is not meant to be
Ungodly to cast aside a humans soul

Here is example of you being distant and cold
When hurts me to see you in pain and sick in cold

Now go as Narcissus you are to me, no no more
Spends eternity with your mirror and entity

PS: Narcissus finally loves a dagger to his heart at the end you see

Poem by Blogger

Reflection

When he comes to me, I am ready.
I'll wash his feet with my hair if he needs.
Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain.
Even after three times he betrays me.
I'll bring him down, a king with no crown.
Judas look what have you done
My heart bleeds and you think it's fun?

Lyrics from Judas by Lady Gaga


I’ve read these lyrics which are to be released later on the year and found them so powerful and meaningful, perhaps not everyone will get it, but Judas in biblical is one of the 12 disciples who for 30 pieces of silver delivered Jesus into the hand of the authorities to be nailed into the cross.


Update
I’ve don’t a lot in the past month in order to forget the past and move on, but still find my ways in old memories and entangled by them, I’ve joined back at the gym and every time I go to wear my dry fit shirts I remember he once wore the red one and can’t bring myself to put in on.

I’ve joined a few gay dating sites and after being messaged by the EX and I’ve ignored his messages though out this, but again it was hard to realize how freely he is looking and it perturbed me for a few days and I was upset about it.

This past month I’ve fully come out to my family to gain a support and their understanding of me being gay no more hiding and no more being in closet at least at home.

Over all it was an ok month with celebration of the spring and seeing old family and relatives rejuvenated the roots and since of belonging.

I’ve been asked for more painting from the art gallery which I’m in the midst of putting them together and updating the website with, its empowering to see other appreciate my art and brings a big self worth to me with their kind words and support.

Refresh your thought and actions and make sure what you do is best in line with your own interest and your own well being, as others are merely there as decoration and if you feel good they will only extend that more and if you feel terrible and down they will only make it that much worse.

Bring yourself to account each day,
And if you don’t cast a shadow you’re not standing in the light of someone who adorns you.