I went running recently on a new path to just create a change and confuse my muscles, this road is filled with hills and steep bridges that it tests the endurance and creates more resistance while running creating more strength and cardio.
There was a graffiti written on the side walk, "Love is God and God is Love" it was quick and powerful, I’ve heard that before but it didn’t make sense till you find love and loose it and while in agony the only thing you have is god, and family, back to your roots of family system, to seek shelter and comfort.
I feel that with lack of sense of family in gay life I never found home, I have discussed this with my therapist and my family physician, who are both gay, they’re both responses have been similar and encouraged me to change my life style for the better as I have been always looking for them in wrong places and with the wrong people.
My sexual innuendo, started in the internet and starting to converse with people and then it graduated to meeting with them over coffee and then sex, then later on it degraded to just hook up and sex. I never found a family and moral routine in gay life, I quickly fell into the routines of other and adopted them in my own way, and by being online it was mostly scene for emotionally unavailable people or people who were already attached and in open relationships.
I understand now that my path was littered with obstacles and I didn’t want to look past it, and now that I am regaining my understanding and the fact that I have been looking for love in wrong places I am adjusting myself and removing my character defects to face life and love after my sobriety is mature enough to handle those situations.
God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces.
~Author Unknown
What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you.
~Richard Wilbur
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