Your Eyes

your eyes, your lines
they make diamonds envy n' cry

your face your grace
makes the moon pale 'n hide its face

as you smile, for a mile
whole world gets brighter for a while

you hugs your arms
makes my heart melt like butterflies

your kiss your lips
makes me weak, wonder am i missed

he is beautiful, so beautiful
as i miss him every day

Poem by blogger



New year is just around the corner, and i broke my contact barrier yesterday by texting him this poem, i couldn't stop, the silence was getting louder and i had to say how i feel though the poem.

hope the new year brings every one a happy and joyful synergy and filled with sobriety and happiness in all your efforts and ordeals.

200th post

Over 1500 visits in past year
from 37 countires visiting the site so far
1.9 page per visit
2:13 minute average time on site
64% new visitors
58% bounce rate (meaning they use the link on site)

these are vey encouraging numbers as i close my one year of blogging here,
i wish you all, the best in life and good luck in your soberiety and fight with your addiction, may god be with you and most importanely know that your not alone and evey one is dealing with this issue.

My baby Angel

Oh Angels of God,
From heaven so bright
watching beside him
lead Him aright
Fold your wings round Him
and guard Him with love;
Softly sing songs to Him of heaven above.
Amen.

Its going to be a Good LIfe

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Hopelessly, I feel like there might be something that I'll miss
Hopelessly, I feel like the window closes oh so quick
Hopelessly, I'm taking a mental picture of you now
'Cuz hopelessly, The hope is we have so much to feel good about

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Oh yeah
Good, good life
Good life
Ooh

Listen
My friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Col-or-ado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about

OneRepublic - Good Life
re-Quote



I listened to this song today and little tears just forming in my eyes, I think my contact was on too long (no I don’t wear contacts), and as my sobriety anniversary is today, this song really captures every feeling I have, from the my moments that I feel foolish and hopeless to my victories and triumphs over my addiction so far which I find really boosting my self confidence.

The only key or tip I can give to who's struggling out there is that you’re not alone and change doesn't happen overnight, I have been struggling with it since 2006 and in 2007 I took another shook with my health but I never saw the alarms till I this train wrecked life and destroyed my own relationship and finally came to realize that this train is out of it tracks and needs to change, and took a good two years now that I am trying to be back on track. And so far I am doing much better and proud of what I have been able to abstain from and achieve in the past year.

From here on out here is to good life, good good life.

For Your An Angel

was invited to a Christmas dinner with the church people whom i worked on the cross and they said this prayer that was so beautiful and wished that there was an angel out there that could hear my voice and come to my rescue.

we live out lives in circles wondering when we will find that magnetic counter part that will ether burst with us or combine with us to create a bigger bubble.

tomorrow is my 1 year sobriety and tonight was the night that i went to bathhouse and saw what i saw and changed my life ever since, perhaps to be more great full and thank the people who pushed the greatness out of me like squeezing and orange.

even though they didn't really stick around for support nor to see me through, it was a tough journey and constant test through tribulations and mystic and quite journey, where you seek answers and want to be told the truth about your thoughts but people just want to play the time card of you'll know in time

i guess in some psychotic way as i cant steel this morning its right time will only tell and time can only judge.




St. Gabriel
An Angel Prayer for others

O loving messenger of the Incarnation, descend upon all those for whom I wish peace and happiness. Spread your wings over the cradles of the new-born babes, O thou who didst announce the coming of the Infant Jesus.

Give to the young a lily petal from the virginal scepter in your hand. Cause the Ave Maria to re-echo in all hearts that they may find grace and joy through Mary.

Finally, recall the sublime words spoken on the day of the Annunciation-- "Nothing is impossible with God," and repeat them in hours of trial--to all I love--that their confidence in Our Lord may be reanimated, when all human help fails.
Amen.





Prayers Angel

Happy Holidays

Dear Santa

As a Kid I believed in you so much
Waiting for that magic touch

But my family religion as much
Couldn’t see you, so a common hutch

Always looked through neighbors porch
Admiring the Christmas tree so much

Waiting for you to arrive in an arch
Wondered if you ever land on my roof in March

Now I’m grown up with no one to call my crutch
Only wish you make someone special an arch

Give him all he wants and ever more loving touch
So he won’t feel so out of love and such

Don’t forget to give him a big MUUAACH

Poem by blogger


Tying to be politically correct and wish a happy holiday, couldn’t resist writing my first even dear Santa letter, as summarizing my childhood memory of around Christmas as we didn’t celebrate it and there we a Christian in our neighborhood to whose hour I would curiously look to around Christmas.

This is picture of Christmas cactus, we have had it for years and all way blooms pink flowers around this time of the year since I was posting a holiday greeting I thought it was very fitting to say happy holidays with a flower that always remembers the joyful time of the year and adds some color.

Have happy and safe holidays, to everyone.

Christmass Love

I put your in front of me
So everyone can see my love

See you’re my love and my all
you ran in distance without a call

In all these oceans, lost in a tide
I know I feel love, as always my guide

Love is patient, love is kind
Can’t be mentioned, but it’s found

Love is laying down arms to love
As other give his fame in loving arms

Love never fails in time
It’s a holy grail more than a Dime

Love is ever lasting
Love is eternal

Love continues after you die
Now ask yourself why

Poem By blogger



Christmas eve tonight and I went out to a friend’s dinner party where, I saw some old friends that I hadn't seen since I started my sobriety, we had a great dinner and soon before they get too drunk for me handle I left I just didn't want to be there when thing get out of my control and being tested under odd circumstances, as in the past people say the rudest things when drunk and as sober person with full mental capacity I tend to take it the wrong way and have learned my limit and tend to stay clear of situations like that.

Never the less I had a great time with old friends and enjoyed their company and was a nice feeling being integrated into a gathering and crowed mingling and conversing.

Hope and wish everyone a very merry Christmas Eve, and May your arms be full of joy and hearts filled with cheer and pep.

Angel from above

Angel of God, my Guardian dear,
to whom His love commits me here,
Ever this day be at my side
to light and guard, to rule and guide,
Amen.

- Praise the Lord
all you Angels of the Lord!
Psalm 148:2


Guardian Angel from heaven so bright,
Watching beside me to lead me aright,
Fold thy wings round me, and guard me with love,
Softly sing songs to me of heaven above.
Amen

-Guardian angel prayer



Still praying for my soberiety and also my health teast to come back with better than expected numbers,

A Gift

If my hands are empty to you
But my heart is in love with you

Got a heart waiting in love
Still waiting for approval in time

As priceless you are to me
I’m still worthless to you I see

Gifted the heart with a pure intent
All I got back was a heart that now won’t mend

Without a refuge leaning on your shoulders
You pushed me away and gotten colder

Where I was, I was with you
Where I went, all I saw was you

For a weightlessness floating in love
Every road floats right to your love

If you killed my passion n' gone
If you forgotten my love n' done

If you have drifted without care
Or have gifted your heart to someone there

Remember my heart is poisoned under your care
Just know someone still remembers you here

Poem by Blogger



Every time the phone rings, I jolt and hesitate to pick up wondering if it’s the doctor’s office regarding my second lab work, and he is going to say to come in for treatment.

It’s been stressful around me lately I have been easily aggravated with company and can’t stand more than one person talking even at home, I haven’t snapped at any one but I do remove myself from situations and have isolated myself to playing games video games and watching TV and movies to take my mind off the topic of my second lab results.

I have been saying multiple prayers as I post some of them on here and been keeping my mind clean with healing prayers and serenity prayer.





Healing Prayer of Surrender

Dear Lord Jesus, it is my will to surrender to you everything that I am and everything that I’m striving to be. I open the deepest recesses of my heart to you and invite your Holy Spirit to dwell inside of me.

I offer you my life, heart, mind, body, soul, spirit, all my hopes, plans and dreams. I surrender to you my past, present and future problems, habits, character defects, attitudes, livelihood, resources, finances, medical coverage, occupation and all my relationships.

I give you my health, disabilities, physical appearance, home, family, marriage, children, sexuality and friendships. I ask you to take Lordship over every aspect of my life. I surrender to you all my hurt, pain, worry, anxiety and fear, and I ask you to wash me clean.

I release everything into your compassionate care. Please speak to me clearly, Lord. Open my ears to hear your voice. Open my heart to commune with you more deeply. I desperately need to feel your loving embrace. Shut the doors that need to be shut and open the doors that need to be opened. Set my feet upon the straight and narrow road that leads to everlasting life. Amen.

Full Moon, Lunar eclipse, and First day of Winter doom

If you only know how bright you shine
You shine light on my way in dark at night

Oh moon don’t be scared as I’m still here
Don’t be afraid as it will take a minute here

Your face gone from beauty to red I’m so sad
Bear with me soon it would all be amend

I feel the hurt in your surface
Do you see the tear in my face?

Won’t you keep me safe from harm?
As I woke to embrace your clam

Each day no one sees your grace
At night nobody there to face

Tell me what does this mean
Why won’t you stay n' fight the light

You hold me in your arms so keen
But you run away as day light is seen

Poem by blogger



Almost a week left for my sobriety and feeling good about myself, but my health is getting worse day by day, I have managed to pull through for the past 3 years, and perhaps this past year of not going to the gym really affected my health, but at the same time I discovered myself and I can proudly say I’m a man now, no longer call myself a boy, and I feel good about my character self and continuously improving my past defects and trying to make amends to them all.

I woke up this mooring at 1:37 am to watch the moon disappear and loose its glory in its utmost glory and height, turned red amber, before being allowed to unveil itself again.

I used to get very weak on the nights with full moon, perhaps the fact knowing it was full moon I was setting myself up for higher adrenaline increases, but yesterday I didn’t feel much and I was glad to get out and watch the pink moon and go back to bed. it was amazing because it won’t ever happen again for another 400 years for the both 3 to be on same date, Winter solstice, full moon and the lunar eclipse, it makes you think and wonder of nature's depth and how small we are as humans on this planet in comparison to the planet and the greater physics around us.

But amongst all this powerlessness must realize how important we are, not to lose touch with our humanity and self-worth, have a merry Christmas.

Angel Every Day

Guardian Angel from heaven so bright,
Watching beside me to lead me aright,
Fold thy wings round me, and guard me with love,
Softly sing songs to me of heaven above.
Amen.

- Prayers Angel



Lord, give thine angels every day
Command to guard us on our way,
And bid them every evening keep
Their watch around us while we sleep.

--John Mason Neale

Just Breathe

All I can do is just breathe
Just breathe very slowly as i leave

Gain back every heartbeat within me
Since nothing matters now that you’re gone from me

Where are you? Still cannot forget you
Get accustomed to this gap of you

December is now here and gone
Gone as you’re not around

My heart holds a big piece for you
Today I feel that corner will die of you

Today, there is no time to run
To explain to you, nor ask you!!

My love for you wasn't enough!
Enough to love me in your arms!

These words just rolling off my lips
These importunate words that you never hear

As I submerge them within my tears
Drowned them like how you drowned our love

So hear these tears as they fall for you
All are roll of my cheeks for you

Every tear screams your name as falling
Vanishing into darkness of space calling

Do you feel them now?
As they pour on me and down

Of all those days I counted
When I ran against time

I want to dream,That I can be with you
Today, in this moment, But no more since your gone
There is no way, There is no time left to dream

The words that was never said
That now drags me to you

Nothing I can do just breathe
Just breathe so slowly it wont hurt me

Now it is too late
Now that you are gone

Poem by blogger



my feelings this week has been up and down, I remember last year that I bought a Christmas tree and left it in front of his house around this time, and said to home I really wanted him to be the one I decorated a Christmas tree with.

but the response I got from him was so negative, vile and infected, that I couldn’t resist but to act out back in December, he kept hurting me cuss I allowed it to happen, I was making myself more vulnerable by putting myself in front of his path and forcing myself to be accepted and be punished in order for him to forgive me, but there was not forgiveness then, and he just bashed me in more with his comments and remarks about my body and what I meant to him.

Please move forward if you find yourself in a relationship that is no better than a roller coaster and you find no emotional support and just being used for sex and money. You deserve better, there are 6billion people out there and no matter how down and worthless you feel today but you’ll see that you will find a person that will find you priceless and a true gem in the future,

so pick yourself up and brush yourself, as no matter how slow the march slowly lift your chin and let the sunlight of destiny fall on your face and may grace of god be on you as your one of his gentle soul and he will never abandon you or give you test that he knows you can’t surpass and over come in order to developed character and better quality of life.

Who is Like unto God

St. Michael, the Archangel

Glorious Prince, chief and champion of the heavenly hosts; guardian of the souls of men; conqueror of the rebel angels! How beautiful art thou, in thy heaven-made armor. We love thee, dear Prince of Heaven!

We, thy happy clients, yearn to enjoy thy special protection. Obtain for us from God a share of thy sturdy courage; pray that we may have a strong and tender love for our Redeemer and, in every danger or temptation, be invincible against the enemy of our souls. O standard-bearer of our salvation! Be with us in our last moments and when our souls quit this earthly exile, carry them safely to the judgement seat of Christ, and may Our Lord and Master bid thee bear us speedily to the kingdom of eternal bliss. Teach us ever to repeat the sublime cry: "Who is like unto God?"
Amen.

Blessed Angel

St. Raphael

God who in Thy ineffable goodness hast rendered blessed Raphael the conductor of thy faithful in their journeys, we humbly implore Thee that we may be conducted by him in the way of salvation, and experience his help in the maladies of our souls. Through Jesus Christ, Our Lord.
Amen.

Angel Prayers to Saint Raphael
Prayers Angel



Hail, Guardian Angels of the House!
Come to our aid,
Share with us our work and play.
Be with us that we may hear your wings,
And feel your breath upon our cheek.

--Geoffrey Hodson
guardian angel prayer

Death Calls

I got my Dreaded phone call today regarding my health, the Dr. personally called and said your last test don’t look so good, my health has dropped dramatically below the normal, and once drops this much it won’t go up, but as a double standard I went in today to give blood again for 2nd round of test, and see if there was a miss count.

Its hard hearing from your doctor a bad news especially in my situation where I was hoping I deal with it after my sobriety or after I finish my prep-crourses for university.
There is always wisdom in everything.

I personally was told to go on medication last year, but I have said no due to feeling healthy and not wanting the poisons building up an even a day is I have to.

It is really stress full for me as it marks the significance of my body losing to the battle and the side effects of the medications are not something I look forward to.

I pray for any one going through this and courage to go through it safely and guarded.




The Guardian Angel Prayer
"Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom His love entrusts me here, ever this day and night be at my side to light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen."

Meaning of Life

I watched this clip, and emotionally touched my heart, that a man who had it all gives up his whole life to feed the poor and hungry.

this is the true meaning of selfless and to puth others before your self.

Narayanan Krishnan was a bright, young, award-winning chef with a five-star hotel group, short-listed for an elite job in Switzerland. But a quick family visit home before heading to Europe changed everything.

"I saw a very old man eating his own human waste for food," Krishnan said. "It really hurt me so much. I was literally shocked for a second. After that, I started feeding that man and decided this is what I should do the rest of my lifetime."

Krishnan was visiting a temple in the south Indian city of Madurai in 2002 when he saw the man under a bridge. Haunted by the image, Krishnan quit his job within the week and returned home for good, convinced of his new destiny.

"That spark and that inspiration is a driving force still inside me as a flame -- to serve all the mentally ill destitutes and people who cannot take care of themselves," Krishnan said.

Krishnan founded his nonprofit Akshaya Trust in 2003. Now 29, he has served more than 1.2 million meals -- breakfast, lunch and dinner -- to India's homeless and destitute, mostly elderly people abandoned by their families and often abused.

Most Holy Angel of.....

Most holy angel of God, appointed by God to be my guardian, I give you thanks for all the benefits which you have ever bestowed on me in body and in soul. I praise and glorify you that you condescended to assist me with such patient fidelity, and to defend me against all the assaults of my enemies. Blessed be the hour in which you were assigned me for my guardian, my defender and my patron. In acknowledgement and return for all your loving ministries to me, I offer you the infinitely precious and noble heart of Jesus, and firmly purpose to obey you henceforward, and most faithfully to serve my God.
Amen.

St Gertrudes Guardian
Prayers Angel

Darkest Secrets..... Let Them out

Finally, the cross I blogged about is getting installed this weekend, this is what it looks like without polishing, now it’s been polished and Electro dipped for more reflection and mirror shine.

I’m so excited that I’m out of my own skin, and at the same time nervous as its going on a 200 ft tall dome, hope all the engineering behind it works and the installation goes well today.

Really would have liked it to be supported in this, as my parents didn’t find it so much of a art than a fabrication, but it was a learning curve for me to get the best welding shop to do the TIG welding and an fantastic polishing place to do the polishing stages. It was all due to my work experiences gained and all the contacts.

In my addiction front I’ve been busy with classes and my next course tests that just did on Friday and been busy with the cross.

Funny that I got a call from a lady that saw my art downtown at a store and was interested in doing consignment work with me,

Checking in my darkest secret is that I wish mass would see the crosses before they went up. There has been no contact since November 16th, and I’m dong ok on that, got myself busy with projects and school that I try not to think about that.

Keep your sobriety on track admits your darkest secrets and slowly you find the gem inside you. over the course of my blog I have let out the secrets and things that I never told anyone out, and I found it as a channel to write them out of my life, it was therapeutic and just the fact it became part of my continuous effort on recovery and getting myself back on track.

By keeping the secrets your just holding on to garbage from the past and the lies and ignorance that comes with it, and I see that if not fully rid of it you will only fall back on your old ways and back on the slippery slope that if not caught in time can take you back to your old additive ways.

It not just a matter of putting your addiction or your social crutches aside, its most important that you kick the habit and the compulsive acts and action of committing it in order to get the endorphins released in your head and feel high off your actions.

Shooting stars

Sanctuary of you I’ve risen to
It’s a Wring to be without you

Darkness and shadows that I’ve walked through
Light and warmth that I’m seeking in you

Shooting stars come in middle of darkest night
Creeping on you just as you wonder out of sight

You will miss if you gaze way for a moment tonight
That’s the realm of forgotten memories every night

Poem By blogger



RE: pic
Its an amazing photo of a wedding, where i photoshoped the people out,
Trees draped in lights, like shooting stars, its soo beutifull sight to see and share with the readers.

ONLY POEM POST TODAY

Angel prayer for you

May the angels keep you til morning.
May they guide you through the night.
May they comfort all your sorrows.
May they help you win the fight.
May they keep watch on your soul.
May they show you better ways.
May they guard you while you're sleeping.
May they see you through your days.

May they show you new hopes.
May they still your every doubt.
May they calm your every fear.
May they hear you when you shout.

May the angels keep you til morning.
More than this I cannot pray.
And if the angels ever fail you.
Then may God be there that day.

~ Author Unknown

Four Weeks out

Dead Flowers on the vase
In me pains that you cause

Your Silence is cold unto the snow
My heart bleeds trail in that snow

My health is looking grim
Soon with pills trying to cling

But you won’t care much to grip my hand
Farther you drift, greater distance both two hands

Poem by blogger


Only four weeks left now to the end of my 12 months sobriety, it took longer to get here, there was the year that I tried and joined Slaw and few months of rekindling an old relationship and slipping and relapsing in course of sex addiction.

It will be approximately 2 years that I’m on the road to recovery, and perhaps since I was 18 I have been a sex addict as I could never commit to a relationship and always was in between men and partners, and got worse in early 2000.

When you get sober and look back you realize the pattern of your failures and how far it leads back. I was thinking that yesterday from my drive home from my evening classes, that it’s been a long time coming and now sure if this is the end and new beginning or I will carry lesions of this disease with me waiting to get grow roots on me again?

Angels come to rescue... please

God our Father,
in your loving providence
you send your holy angels to watch over us.
Hear our prayers
defend us always by their protection
and let us share your life with them for ever

--from The LIturgy of the Hours, on the Feast of the Guardian Angels



Little eyelids cease your winking;
Little orbs, forget to beam;
Little soul, to slumber sinking,
Let angels rule your dream.

--Eugene Field



i came back today from my Dr appointments the my health level is in yellow range and he keeps urging me to go on my medication, and i dont want to foccuss on any thing at this time except my soberiety.

i found these Angel prayers and been reading them for days, ill post one every day the ones i like, hope it touches some one out there that is in need of guidance and light of shivlory.

Harder to get Harder

In this winding road of love
Getting to your is hard

Every breath is hard
But not seeing you is harder

You left me with my agony and pain of you
You took my dreams and love of you

I said your name every where I went
Never heard my name on your lips, you cant

You left me for a view of mountains
You wouldn't stay with this fountain

For a winter night
burned all my wood for you tonight

But you stared out of window every night
The love I have for you is every night

Leave a moment for your eyes to lock with mine
let the spark of us breaks this curse of time

Lend me a moment and leave me a memento
Look into my eye before amore goes amorto

Poem by Blogger



Its been a hart week to move forward and i have tried so hard to not contact my ex, ill be going to my SLAA group and therapy session this week to keep my self on track and inline with my sobriety,

i though the hardest part was over but thing are just constantly renewing them selves in my and making obstacles for me to get over and its all in the past.

keep your self in line and dint let your wants get in the way to your needs ans

December colds

Flakes of snow from heaven fall
As I wonder why you don’t call

I feel like that tree green and tall
You left it outside n discarded it all

Remember how many times you shut that door
When I stood sorry outside your door

When you moved it I was there to say hi
But you opened the door and shut it by

I slipped and you grabbed me and out the door
Eyes in tears, how it hurt me to the core


Poem by blogger